Buffalo Sauce is Awesome on Everything

Buffalo Sauce is Awesome on EverythingI have been tired lately – both from working on stuff for my Year of Risking Dangerously as well as just needing to let my brain run and consume things a bit so I have stuff to write about. Plus, Hapa Papa has been traveling a lot and that is a different type of tiring.

So, as a result, you all get another one of my random mental flotsam posts. I’m told they can be amusing so I hope today’s post does not disappoint. Of course, I also realize the limited appeal of these types of posts to people who don’t actually know me in real life (and quite frankly, to those who do know me IRL, too). To them I apologize, but in a half-assed sort of way because I don’t owe you anything and you don’t own me and…

Whoa. Yeah. Let’s just get on with it, yeah?

1) I have leftover buffalo wing sauce and I am putting it on random shit because I want more buffalo sauce in my mouth without resorting to drinking it. (I have standards, okay?)

Leftover hashbrown? Yes.

Cold mini-pancakes? Yes.

Dimsum? My God, YES.

It is all that I thought it would be.

2) Hapa Papa has been up since 4am Ohio time this morning. What is he doing right now at 11:25pm? Playing fucking Minecraft.

Seriously?

Did I mention he has calls starting at 7am tomorrow?

He needs to GTFTS. Mostly because I want to watch NCIS.

3) As soon as Hapa Papa walked through the door this evening at 9:15, I air-kissed the kids and went straight to my local boba shop to get boba (as well as an extra one for tomorrow since Hapa Papa is traveling again) and a snack.

The kids get really angry with me if I go without bringing them anything (understandably so) so I stayed in my driveway until Cookie Monster and Gamera were asleep. Hapa Papa claimed Glow Worm was asleep, too, so I snuck in through the front door only to hear his little voice piping up.

I felt bad so I swapped with Hapa Papa and let him go downstairs. I know. I’m a saint.

Glow Worm wouldn’t be up so late if he hadn’t have napped for 2.5 hours in the car this afternoon. It’s hard on days when we are constantly in the car so of course he falls asleep. And I’m if anything, shortsighted, so I let him sleep. Mostly so I could nap in the front seat of my van while waiting for my older two to finish their classes.

At any rate, I finally heard snoring and risked leaving. Glow Worm has been known to fake snore – but these sounded legit. Who knows, though. He’s pretty tricky. (Turns out, he really did fall asleep.)

4) Tiger Woo told us that she watched a horribly graphic and disturbing video of a seal raping a penguin today. She said the raping was learned behavior.

What I want to know is: FROM WHOM? (Hapa Papa had a similar reaction. This is why we are MFEO.)

Who is going around teaching seals how to rape penguins?!?

I suppose if I had bothered to watch the video she sent us, I would know. But I didn’t; so I don’t.

5) Went to the park today.

People: just cuz some random kid is Asian doesn’t mean he’s mine. Also? HIS MOM IS RIGHT THERE. Watching him like a hawk.

6) My kids are super into Minecraft these days which, I am relieved to say, has replaced Halo as the game of choice around here for Cookie Monster.

Also, Gamera has also started playing. Like, with the actual controls and everything – not just ordering Hapa Papa around, telling him what to do. If you know her at all, you will know she is quite possibly the laziest human child ever. So the fact that she is playing her own game is amazing.

Who said video games are stupid?

7) Because they are super into Minecraft, they “play Minecraft” in real life, too. Cookie Monster and Gamera spent over an hour playing Minecraft in the sandbox at the park this afternoon while Glow Worm ran around going down slides, jumping up and down, going on swings, climbing boulders, and generally parking the shit out of that park.

Then they spent a good part of the evening “mining” our house by knocking on walls and stuff. They kept saying their hands were all bloody from their mining.

Hapa Papa, our resident Minecraft expert, has no idea what that means. I say we just go with it since then I can read in peace.

8) I’m always impressed by how physical Glow Worm is. He has such a physicality to him that Hapa Papa calls him, “The Gronk,” after that fratboy party animal football player.

I just laugh and pretend I know WTF Hapa Papa is talking about. He isn’t fooled but allows me my harmless fiction. Then he explains it to me. And explains it to me again because I don’t listen to him very much because I am a dick.

9) Dude. When is Hapa Papa gonna be done with Minecraft? I really want to watch NCIS but now it’s getting past midnight.

Treachery!

10) I have a problem. I keep starting FB groups. It’s a little bit ridiculous, but I can’t stop.

Also? The majority of these groups have the same people in it.

Womp womp. 

11) Gamera has been blaming everything on me, lately. At current score, it’s my fault when:

– The weather is cold when she hates wearing pants
– That even though she wants to see snow in person, that snow is cold and would require her to wear said pants
– She has to go to school and we go on a playdate with people she loves so therefore she loves Hapa Papa more
– She is soooooo tired and her hand hurts from doing homework and her nose hurts from breathing
– We laugh at her hiccuping
– Costco did not have the breakfast bars she likes and now we’re out of them
– I did not get her milk when she is perfectly capable of getting milk herself and she is SO THIRSTY
– I have not given her a girl cousin

12) In related news, Glow Worm was furious with me because I couldn’t split apart a toy that cannot be split apart.

I am the worst.

13) Also also? If I kiss Glow Worm and he doesn’t want it or like it he will hold the spot I kissed him and cry, “Owwie!! Owwwwwwwiiiiiiiiieeeee!” And keep crying until I kiss him to make it better.

Then, he’ll remember I kissed him and the whole thing starts all over.

14) At least Cookie Monster is sweet and loves me and wants me to hug him and kiss him and be with him.

15) Even though I am super full right now, I still want buffalo sauce in my mouth. Why can’t there be buffalo sauce chewing gum or some type of cough drop that is buffalo sauce flavored? That would clear my sinuses, right?

16) Which reminds me. Where is that bacon flavored gum I have wanted all my life?

Alright. I need to go to sleep since it doesn’t look like NCIS is happening tonight. Also, I think I’m getting a little too loopy.

Thanks for humoring me today! Back to our regularly scheduled programming on Friday.

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