Yup. Still Alive. 

I know. Shouldn’t I be out of my first trimester yet? Yes, yes, I am. But I’m still exhausted all the time. This 4th pregnancy is kicking my proverbial ass.

Anyhow, here are a few things that have been floating around in my brain.

1) Now, it should come as no surprised to my long time readers (or even, really, my new readers), that I am a somewhat hot-tempered person and tend to rant very easily because I take all things personally – even when things aren’t meant to be taken personally (eg: general stupidity).

I’ve attempted to change my daily life to try and not be so riled up and pissy.

The biggest change has been how I approach the Facebook groups I admin. I finally made a requirement, out of efficiency and an initial weeding out process, that if people want to join the group, they need to PM me first. No PM? No admission.

I used to be overly solicitous and ask people questions to screen them and make sure they’re a good fit for the group. But really, that’s way too much work. Once I changed the rule, it made my life a lot easier – except that I was super pissed off that people weren’t PMing me.

So, recently, I’ve decided to no longer get angry at people who don’t PM me. Instead, I thank them for making my life easier. For certain, it is much easier for me to “deny” someone from the group than it does for me to approve them and respond to their messages and welcome folks to the group.

Thanks, people who can’t read!

2) Glow Worm broke his arm six weeks ago falling off our tiny indoor slide. Mother of the Year here took a full hour or more to realize he was in a lot of pain and not acting like his normal self before calling the doctor and shuttling him around town.

Hapa Papa had to come home early from work because there was NO WAY I was going to inform my mother of the potential arm break and the subsequent fallout if I didn’t have to!

He’s finally out of a cast (if an adult had the same break, it would take at least three months to heal!) and he’s now in a removable splint for two weeks.

They have not changed how he approaches life in the slightest.

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3) I got super sick of my hair. So I chopped it all off. Now, I’ve had pixie cuts before (confer Summer 2014) and I don’t mind them. But I was not expecting my hair to be this short. However, I figure it will be at least 3-5 months before I will even have to comb my hair (or maybe even wash it!!) again so it works out. Plus, when I am in Taiwan this summer, it will be at my preferred length.

 

4) Technology has seriously advance since I was last pregnant. I mean, holy cow! I remember when I was pregnant with Cookie Monster in 2009 and I refused to even allow them to do 3D imaging because it was SO CREEPY. It was less so with Gamera and Glow Worm, but WOW! With Baby4, it looks like claymation!

Amazing!

5) Pregnancy is still kicking my ass. I pretty much do nothing except lay on the couch, watch TV, ignore my children, and go to sleep when they sleep. It’s an exciting life.

Ok. That’s it. I’ve had this post in the queue for at least a month and I am finally going to just not care and press publish (or schedule, as the case may be). Hopefully, I will get out of my lethargy soon.

Thanks for hanging in there, friends!

Now That I’ve Lost My Mind

So, I have been MIA these past two weeks because I am utterly exhausted. I have been going to bed with the kids and waking up with the kids. And since I usually write when they are sleeping, I haven’t been writing.

During the day, I am also tired. And though I used to go out on weekends to write (especially in the evenings), I haven’t been going out because I am sleeping.

The reason for all this exhaustion? Turns out I am forming another human being in my uterus and am 8 weeks pregnant.

We have lost our damn minds.

I am reluctant to post about this pregnancy so early, but then I figured if I did lose the baby, I would definitely talk about it so there really is no reason not to talk about it. Especially since I have not been shy about telling my friends in real life.

I am not cut out for a life of secrecy, people. For real.

Truthfully, I have been somewhat in denial. Not of being pregnant. Moreso denial of my body’s changing needs while being pregnant.

I have been feeling utterly betrayed by my body.

How can I possibly be this tired? I have only been awake two hours.

I need to nap constantly.

I am always feeling slightly nauseous or slightly hungry. I couldn’t really figure it out. I have finally settled on slightly hungry.

I already don’t fit into my pants. Nor do I fit in the after pregnancy pants (you know, the ones that are several bigger sizes but aren’t maternity pants anymore). I have to wear maternity pants because even though I’m only 2 months in, since it’s my 4th pregnancy, I’m thicker already.

I can’t wear the bras I used to be able to wear while 9 months pregnant because I can’t breathe in them. If I use the bra extenders, my breasts fall out from under the bras. I’m back to nursing bras even though I finally weaned Glow Worm.

I am incredibly irritable. Like, hair trigger kaboom. I mean, not that general idiocy by humans on the internet (and Earth) have ever been my favorite (or rare), but lately, my threshold for tolerating asshattery is at a minimum. One needs only to scroll through my Facebook feed to see the evidence.

I already have carpal tunnel syndrome.

My stomach feels okay at the beginning of the day, but by the end, I can barely breathe because I feel as if my skin is not big enough to hold my stomach. It hurts.

I have been having cramps and contractions a lot earlier but no sharp pains so that’s good. (This happened with my third pregnancy, too.)

I already have round ligament pain. WTF.

All I want to do in my spare time is sleep, watch TV, or read.

It took me at least a month to finally come to terms with the new state of being and just accepting the fact that yes, I am worn out simply by the act of being awake.

And as much as I hate not meeting a schedule for writing, I hate screaming at the kids because I am cranky even more.

Hence the MIA.

So this is fair warning that posting on the blog may be erratic until I can string more than a sentence or two together -or stay awake later than my 2.5 year old.

In the meantime, even though I mentioned it on Facebook and The Twitter, I totally forgot to put it on the blog.

LTYM SF 2016 Cast; image courtesy of Tarja Parssinen of The Flying Chalupa

I GOT CAST IN LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER SF 2016!

So if you are missing my ramblings, might I direct you to the LTYM rabbithole on YouTube? Bring a tissue (or 5,000) and prepare to watch some amazing women (and a few men) share their stories.

Our cast had our first rehearsal today and I pretty much alternated between sobbing my brains out and laughing my ass off.

I have to tell myself I deserve to be there and am not just the token Asian. Of course, Hapa Papa, ever the helpful one, suggested that I was token when I expressed my insecurities. Bastard.

Oh, and this is not meant to be a fishing expedition for compliments. Merely me in awe of the other women who are in the show with me. I’m really excited.

Alright, it’s already way past my bedtime so unless I want to be screaming at the current babies, I’m going to sleep.

See you Wednesday.