The Problem with Time

It’s cliché by now. All those more experienced mommies wagging their figurative fingers at you, telling you to enjoy every moment because after all, “The days are long but the years are short.”

And it’s totally true. IT TOTALLY IS.

(But it doesn’t make you feel better when you’ve already experienced a year’s worth of annoying child-caring and it’s only 9am.)

Anyhow, I blinked and my baby, (not the current baby, but my baby for the last four years), Glow Worm, is now four years old.

FOUR YEARS OLD.

I remember when Cookie Monster (7.5) was four and I thought he was SO BIG. After all, compared to the newborn Glow Worm, he was huge. As for Gamera, I don’t recall her ever being four.

I mean, obviously, she was four. (And come to think of it, it was a lot of crying. I mean, 5.75 is a lot of crying, but 4 was even MORE crying. OMG IT WAS EVEN MORE CRYING.) But for some reason, Gamera always seemed older than her actual age and I constantly thought she and Cookie Monster were the same.

But Glow Worm.

Glow Worm has been my baby for the past four years and even though it seems as if he all of a sudden became a big boy over the summer, it still has caught me completely by surprise.

And now that he is four (OMG, HE IS FOUR!), I still find him so very small.

In my mind, he’s still a baby. At least, that’s the excuse I give Gamera and Cookie Monster when they complain that I’m not being fair and letting Glow Worm get away with shit they couldn’t even dream of getting away with.

Part of it is because Glow Worm was such a late talker that he only started being intelligible (and still, half the time we’re not sure if he’s babbling away in Chinese or English when actually it’s CHINGLISH) and he’s also short for his age. And part of it is because compared to his older siblings, he really IS a baby.

But mostly, it’s because I’m in rampant denial.

HOW CAN HE BE FOUR?

He was always such an independent baby, and now that he is four, he is even MORE independent.

This summer, he was in full time school in Taiwan just like last year. But because this year, we had Sasquatch (9 mos), I did not get to spend much time with him after school. We had the hour between his pick up and the older kids’ pick up time, but once Hapa Papa joined us in Taiwan, he took over that pick up.

I didn’t even realize how much I missed that time with Glow Worm until the week was over.

In fact, it took me awhile to even realize that I had barely talked to or spoke to Glow Worm until the week was almost over.

I know.

FAIL. FAIL. FAIL!!

Now that we’re back home and he is starting up preschool again (and for more days than last year), I am missing him a lot. For some reason, he has switched to Hapa Papa being his favorite so Glow Worm no longer fights to sleep with me at night, so I don’t even get to snuggle with him in the evening or at night. (He just informed me today that he loves Papa when I asked him to kiss me. Like he would be cheating on Papa if he kissed me. Hmph.)

Joni Mitchell is totally right. (To be cliché yet again.) I did not know what I had until it was gone.

I mean, Glow Worm now will occasionally still seek me out in the morning and snuggle with me for about five minutes, but then he’s off and running and has no time for me except when it is most inconvenient. (Like when I’m trying to appease Sasquatch and Glow Worm MUST sit and squirm in my lap because OF COURSE.)

It’s not only with Glow Worm, of course.

I know that though I spend a lot of my time with all my kids because I’m their primary caretaker, it’s not focused or necessarily quality time bonding. (To be honest, it’s a lot of reading Chinese and English and nagging.)

However, Gamera and Cookie Monster fight to sleep with me at night (they now have to take turns and the loser gets Hapa Papa as consolation prize). But even then, it’s hardly quality time because they want to spend time and talk to me but I’m trying to put Sasquatch down.

Incidentally, Sasquatch has been a punk lately and refuses to sleep at the boob because he now likes to ROLL AROUND WHILE NURSING and now I have to rock him to sleep in the rocking chair and yes, I know I should sleep train but FFS I just broke down (and sold) the crib because he’s never in it and since he can now walk – OMG HE CAN WALK UNASSISTED – it’s not safe to have him put himself to sleep in my bed.

So as a result, I’m mostly annoyed at Gamera or Cookie Monster for not being quiet and wanting to actually have a conversation with me and they’re sad because I’m mean and as Cookie Monster says (to guilt me on purpose), “I just want to spend time with you, Mama.”

And then I feel like a giant asshole. Because HE WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH ME. BECAUSE HE LOVES ME.

Whereas I am done with being hugged and kissed and only want some uninterrupted alone time.

I should clarify. They DID fight to sleep with me at night. But now that we finally re-arranged their room so that it’s truly their room with a twin over full bunk and trundle bed, plus moved all their clothes from the family closet to THEIR room in their own dresser, THEY ALSO WANT TO SLEEP IN THEIR ROOM WITH HAPA PAPA.

OMG. Did I mention that the reason Gamera no longer wants to sleep with me is because we moved all her clothes into her room AND SHE DOES NOT WANT TO WALK?!?

Dr. T says I should consider spending a little bit of quality time with the kids every day. Like, play games with them or draw with them or read with them or SOMETHING that is NOT homeschool. And that even though I constantly say I birthed siblings for a reason, that perhaps my kids would stop being assholes and trying to get my attention in negative ways if I actually paid them ANY attention at all during the day.

And then perhaps also, bed time would go a bit easier.

I know Dr. T is right.

I also sense my time with the kids slipping away and soon I will be old and my kids won’t want me at all and I should be grateful that they love me despite my being a crotchety dick because after all, I’m the only mother they have and they still want love and affection THOSE BASTARDS —

SO.

So.

So, Hapa Papa and I have decided to take turns taking a kid out for a date each week. (My mother already does this and it’s a big hit with them. They LOVE being the only person with a beloved adult.) I also am trying to make sure I spend quality time with the kids each day (although perhaps not individually).

I suppose that won’t actually kill me.

I might also enjoy myself and feel better as a parent and human being.

Thus far, I have spent time playing a board game with the kids one day, and playing my beloved (but ignored) logic games with them another day. I even spent quality time with Glow Worm.

I guess it was enjoyable and my heart might have become slightly less Grinchy.

Anyhow, am I the only one who doesn’t spend quality time with my children because I spend such a massive QUANTITY of time with them? How do you ensure that you get meaningful moments with your children? Let me know in the comments.

One thought on “The Problem with Time

  1. I feel the same way. I have two girls but forget we have the big one (15) sometimes because she turns into a recluse when she gets home and I have to damn near bribe her to hang with us lol

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