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HEEEYYYYYY! In case you liked my last shitpost, here’s another one! I think it’s amusing so unless there is a huge objection, I will keep it going.
No, that was not a hint for you to tell me you hate it. It was, in fact, an un-subtle hint for you to praise me.
Anyhow, I bring to you, dear reader, a compilation of my personal bon mots from the Facebook and Twitter in the last week.
1) I am super hungry and I just walked by a Cinnabon without buying anything. What medals are you sending me?
2) Also. It seems as if everything I hated about 90’s fashion is back.
3) Just curious. WHO ELSE IS ENRAGED BY THIS TWEET?!?
(Note: 6 grams does NOT equal half a key!!! It equals 0.6% of a kilo!! This upsets me greatly. I almost tweeted back to Metric Shame him.)
4) Just failed in trying to explain what “等到屁股眼兒” meant to Cookie Monster (9) and Gamera (7). It literally means “waiting until the asshole” to do something. ie: Waiting until the last minute. But now, YOU know. You’re welcome.
5) Cookie Monster: I’m a man, Mama!
Glow Worm: You’re a boy, not a man.
6) So many people are congratulating me tonight and come to think of it, I am pretty awesome and win at life. Thanks, friends! I support you, too. #NCAAChampionship #NationalChampionship (Note: This is funny only if you know that my name is Virginia.)
7) I think I may have to make deviled eggs. What is this new level of procrastination?!?
8) I love how my personal brand can be summed up by the following: my ridiculous children, writing (procrastinating), BTS, and deviled eggs.
9) Hapa Papa is taking the older three to watch Captain Marvel tonight and leaving me alone with the babiest baby. I never knew Hapa Papa hated me so much. WTH am I supposed to do with the baby by myself?!?
10) I’m gonna have a banana cream pie for lunch. That’s it.
11) I am sit on laptop sleeve to cushion my ass years old.
Alright, that’s it for this week’s edition of Mental Flotsam. My brain is spent after a week of anticipating BTS’s new album and I’m surprised I could put together any words at all. For fun, I also wrote a Mental Flotsam of the last few weeks as I got ready for BTS and their amazingness.
