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I am feeling a deep and abiding hatred for all our toys right now. No more toys. None. Not even (actually, especially) from my MIL. I can’t stand it.

I’m serious. No more fucking toys. Especially cheap, crappy ones that break and make noise and Cookie Monster won’t let me throw away. (From my MIL again.)

I can’t stand it.

It’s not like my kids even play with toys. They play with and obsess over a few toys at a time – and they’re not even the new ones we bought. Cookie Monster ripped through all his presents but I bet if I wrapped up crap we already owned he’d have just as good a time.

The thing is, Cookie Monster has a freakishly good memory. He knows who gave him what and when. He remembers where I got a beat up old firetruck about two years ago. He remembers who I give his toys to. It’s creepy.

It doesn’t matter. I am sick of having no place to put toys and having them explode out onto every possible flat surface of my house. It makes me want to scream. I now totally understand why my father used to threaten to throw away all our toys. I have found myself threatening the same.

I have no one to blame but myself. I guess 2014 is the year I delete my craigslist app and leave all those Facebook yard sale groups. If I can manage to ignore Amazon Prime, then a true miracle will have occurred.

Wish me luck. I’m gonna need it. Especially since in my brain, I seem to think that if I de-clutter and there is empty space, the point is to re-fill that empty space versus just keeping it empty.

Perhaps my theme for 2014 should be Keep Empty Space Empty. There. I’ve said it on the interwebs. It must be so.

Friends in real life, make sure you throw this back into my face when you see me binge Amazon Priming!