OMG HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
Also, slinks into the room, erm, so sorry for going incommunicado this whole year. I wish I had a reason other than gestures wildly to everything, but alas, that’s all I’ve got.
But before I go on and on into a run-on sentence of gargantuan proportions, here’s my requisite disclaimer about my newsletter including affiliate links. They don’t affect what you pay and help me cover costs related to this newsletter and my sites.
Shiny things
As per usual, I have switched up the look of this newsletter. As much as I love routines, (thanks, undiagnosed autism), they also make me feel trapped. (YAY, diagnosed ADHD!)
While it would be so much better for everyone if I stayed consistent with branding and topics, it’s even better if I’m consistent with writing — and all that consistency just makes parts of my brain get the heebies.
YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME COMMIT TO STYLE NOR TOPIC! I REFUSE THIS ATTEMPT TO ENTRAP ME INTO A DISMAL AND SET FUTURE!
I will also do my level best to resist subheads because though they make posts easier to read, they stress me out.
(Ok, I lied. As much as I hate subheads, I hate uninterrupted blocks of text even more!)
Sadly, even fully medicated, such is the disarray of my mind. At least I’m fun at parties! (Actually, another falsehood. I am terrible at parties. However, I’m fun at gatherings of 6 people or fewer.)
Let me sum up; there is too much
Okokokok. Time for the tl;dr portion of the newsletter to catch you up on what I did all year. So, in no particular order or topical relevancy, here is what’s happened since my last newsletter in February-ish.
- I saw BTS 5 times in concert!!
- Went to Taipei for 6 weeks — the best time ever!
- I got invited to the private media preview for RM x SFMOMA. I WAS 4TH ROW CENTER IN FRONT OF RM HIMSELF!!! AHDSF;JASDL;FKJADSFJ
- Look out for my feature on the exhibit in Mochi later this month.
- Two of my children got diagnosed with Level 1 Autism. Am in the process of other children getting assessed for ADHD and other kinds of neurodivergence.
- Concluded that I am mostly likely also AUDHD but it’s prohibitively expensive to get an adult autism diagnosis
- Started even MORE prescription medication! We love perimenopause. (No, no actually. We in fact do not love it.)
- Saw Jay Park and LNGSHT in concert! SO MUCH FUN!! (Check out my guest appearance on the Kpopcast as we discuss the concert.)
- I have 3 teenagers now!!! They are a delight!
- In two weeks, I’ll have 4 kids in the double digits!! WHAT IS HAPPENING!!
- I turned 48! (I’m quite well-preserved if I do say so myself!)
- Did a few book shows and a BTS pop-up!
- Started watching anime with my kids
The state of my interiority
Yes, I know no one asked about it, but here I am, anticipating questions you never thought to ask. I’m a visionary like that!
As content as I am in general — in the sense that life is fine, oh whims of fate, there’s no need to look in this general direction, please avert your eyes and stare at folks who really would enjoy a shake up — I cannot help but feel as if I’m treading water.
Treading water makes it seem as if I’m doing something actively to stay afloat. That seems misleading.
More like I’m being left behind. People who started doing INSERT WHATEVER IT WAS I WAS DOING either at the same time or after I did have surpassed me in all the metrics worth metricking, and yes yes, I’ve done stuff, but still.
STILL, IT SEEMS LIKE I’VE BEEN LEFT IN THE DUST.
I know I have no one to blame but myself, and if I’m really honest, I’m not even that upset. But it does make me feel more bad than good when I reflect on the state of Virginia/Mandarin Mama.
I feel foolish. Out of touch. Old and scrabbling.
Yet, I know I have so much more ahead of me. It’s this weird crossroads of seeing both how far I’ve come and how far I have yet to go.
My thoughts are like a mosquito bite just out of reach: itchy, irritating, and inconvenient.
I find myself wishing for a time where I was SO FAR AWAY and totally clueless. At least then I’d have an excuse, right? No one expects a beginner to have it all together.
But now, now I know just enough to know that IT’S ALL PRETEND AND IT NEVER ENDS AND WHAT IS HAPPENING??
Like, get it together already, lady. You’re old enough to know better.
That Q4 hustle
I wish I could provide a tidy narrative, like LOOK! I did XYZ and am no longer ABC. Now buy my $97 course so you, too, can replicate my stunning transformation.
I only have a vague sense of OH SHIT OH SHIT IT’S ALMOST YEAR END AND I HAVE DONE NOTHING I SET OUT FOR MYSELF THIS YEAR OH SHIT.
That will have to suffice.
I’ve got medium-ish sized goals for the end of the year and the start of 2027. But if I know myself (and sadly, I do), if I tell you now, the act of telling you will sufficiently satisfy my dopamine centers, and I will no longer want to do anything.
My latest hyperfixations
Instead, let me proffer you my latest hyperfixations.
I’ve binge watched “The Closer” and its sequel “Major Crimes” on Netflix, as well as all the latest “NCIS” and “Law and Order” seasons. There is great comfort in the well-trod beats of police procedurals.
My children have inducted me into “Jujutsu Kaisen” though I have yet to read the manga. I’m obsessed with Nanami and have many words for the creator Gege Akutami. We also caught up on the latest “Avatar Aang: the Last Airbender Movie,” and though the story was predictable, Fire Lord Zuko was fine AF and we will not be taking feedback at this time except to mourn the lack of Dante Basco voicing the character.
I haven’t read many books this year, but I have branched out into reading fanfics in other fandoms despite not knowing anything about the original fandoms. I follow writers, and if they write well in one fandom, they generally write well in another.
I can’t stop playing “Jewel Coloring,” a ridiculously simple gem coloring game. It’s so stupid, yet so satisfying. I don’t care that it is basically moving colors from one place to another. I find it soothing.
I’ve also started listening to “The Ancients” on YouTube. I don’t know if it’s just prep for a new universe I’m readying that features Fae/Elves x Silkpunk x Asian culture, or I just like learning about Neanderthals, Denisovans, and ancient history. Whatever the reason, I dig it. (Anthropological pun intended!)
In completely unrelated news, I now mix freshly made ginger tea (sliced ginger and boiling water) with any number sort of drinks ranging from apple juice to pre-made milk tea. It makes me feel as if I’m marginally healthy despite being anything but that.
What’s next
No clue!!
As we have seen, I’ve chafed at even super low commitment items, and I don’t know what that means for all my content streams.
However, I’m just going to tentatively say the following: more! (I mean, it can’t really be much less lolsob). Plus, I will attempt to send out one newsletter a month — but that doesn’t stop me from sending out MORE.
So, just in case I do not end up sending out another newsletter before the end of the year, I wish you Happy Halloween, Thanksgiving, Holidays, and New Year!
You worked hard (even if you don’t feel like you did). Pat yourself on the back. Treat yourself to whatever you consider a treat.
Until next time, may your days be filled with sustenance and completely extraneous and unasked for delights.
Photo credit: Todd Inoue
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