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Feeling Like a Lame Duck

Guys, I’m feeling so meh lately.

I want to blame it on the weather but honestly, I think my brain is caught between the end of the year and anticipating the new year and feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I want to do so many things next year. SO MANY!

ALL THE THINGS!

And I just came off of a month where I had to write a lot. So I feel in limbo and spent and restless and uninspired and constipated and GAAAAAAAAAAH!

I’ll get over it. I know I just have to brain dump and get out of my own head and just DO SHIT already vs think and think and think and then freak out and —

DEEP BREATH.

I feel so behind. Both behind for homeschooling the kids and my own work. And I know there’s an easy way out of it. All I have to do is just start doing stuff.

It’s both that easy and that hard.

Sooooooo…

Here’s what I would like to do for December. I’m only telling you good people because how else can I keep myself accountable? It’s not like I’m an actual grown up and can do things without expecting praise and accolades.

I NEED ALL THE EXTERNAL REWARDS I CAN GET, OK?

I will check back in at the end of the month and see how well I did. (Separate from my Suck It Up posts.)

1) Get back to homeschooling my children.

In particular, adding science back in. I have been sooooooo lazy. I really need to just get over having the “perfect” curriculum and just do what I have already.

DO WHAT I HAVE ALREADY!!!

2) PURGE PURGE PURGE.

In anticipation of Christmas and all the shit I will end up buying despite saying that I will not give my children even more presents, I know I will mysteriously accumulate more annoying toys. (I still have Christmas presents I haven’t given them from last year and the year before.) I have to get ahead of this inevitable avalanche of evil and purge broken and annoying toys.

I ANGRY CLEANED the other day and it was so satisfying.

I am anticipating more angry cleaning.

3) WRITE WRITE WRITE

I have totally slacked in the writing department lately. My brain needed a break. How can I pitch sites for my writing if I’m not writing??

Also, how can I keep you good people interested in me if I don’t write? PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!

4) Plan for 2018.

I want to do so many things but without a plan, it’s just useless wishing. Some folks say I should just do things – but I’m anal retentive. I need a plan in order for it to become habit. But then I see the plan and get overwhelmed.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Ok. If I add any more things for me to do in December I will totally bury my head and not resurface until January and then I will have wasted this last month of the year.

Wish me luck! (And do you feel the same? Let me know in the comments.)

Author

Virginia Duan is the entertainment editor for "Mochi Magazine," a freelance writer, and an Asian American author who writes stories full of rage and grief with biting humor and glimpses of grace. She spends most of her days plotting her next book or article, shuttling her children about, participating in more group chats than humanly possible, and daydreaming about BTS a totally normal amount.

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