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Friends, I am one of those irritating people who love to receive mail and could write a good letter (or email) if I wanted to — it could even be thoughtful!! — however, I just can’t. I don’t know if emails or instant messaging ruined it for me, but I don’t hold much hope of being great at writing physical letters either.
The problem, of course, is that I LOVE receiving a well-written and thoughtful email or letter. I adore it. Why wouldn’t I love the singular focused attention paid to me by someone I care about? I don’t even care if it’s copy/paste from a letter to someone else. How would I even know?
Except, alas. I cannot ever return the favor.
One, because if it’s a real, physical piece of mail, it will immediately get lost in the mess that is my desk. (I’d like to think it’s a sort of organized chaos but SEMANTICS.) Also, I have no actual stationery (though I do have pens, envelopes, and stamps). So, unless you don’t mind me writing on ripped out sheets of MEAD composition books (okokok, the cheaper Oxford ones), it really is not happening.
Second, if it’s an email, the problem is the immediacy of the response. As I told a friend over email today, if I respond right away, we get stuck in an endless reply loop and someone has to be the bad guy to drop the correspondence before we both burn out and run out of things to say.
Look at how I am a good friend and become that sacrificial lamb so you do not have to.
In tangentially related news, I don’t understand why people friend me on social media.
No, what I’m referring to are very lovely (I’m assuming they’re lovely because I do not actually know them) people requesting to be friends in some sort of reciprocal relationship.
First of all, I do not friend people unless I know them in real life or have formed some sort of meaningful online relationship with them. It does not matter if we are friends with the same people. It does not matter if we have occasionally interacted online because we know the same people or are in the same groups.
I do not know you.
I do realize the flaw in this. I realize “meaningful” is somewhat subjective and I confess, I am somewhat arbitrary when applying this qualifier. When pressed, I will only reply: NO BAD ANGLES, ONLY VIBES.
Look, it made sense in my head, okay?
Two, I have enough friends.
Again, I do make new friends. (And oddly enough, I think I actually like it?) But truly, I refer back to my first point: NO BAD ANGLES, ONLY VIBES.
Three, I don’t think people truly understand how unhinged I am (and yet, oddly staid).
Like why are these perfectly normal people friend requesting me?
STOP DULLING MY SHINE WITH YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF NORMALCY. I WANNA POST UPDATES ABOUT CHEETOS IN MY BOOBS WITH IMPUNITY. LET ME POST ABOUT WANTING TO SIT ON PARK JIMIN’S FACE IN PEACE! LET ME TMI ABOUT ANAL LEAKAGE IN THE RELATIVE SAFETY OF MY INTERNET FRIENDS!
(Like, x1000 on the anal leakage though.)
(Sometimes it’s difficult to be an actual alive human, okay? We’re gross and we have fluidy explody boom concerns.)
And finally, four. FOUR. I don’t chat with men I do not know on the internet.
This is not because of some weird holdover from my Christian days. Nope. It’s because in general men are yucky on the internet. (Oh, I know. Not you, of course. But I don’t know that, and quite frankly, I don’t care to find out. I have enough upstanding, excellent male friends.)
Even if I didn’t receive delightful death and rape threats from men on the internet (and wow, what a joy that was), or men (or bots pretending to be men) trying to scam me on the internet (who again, usually devolve into death and rape threats when I don’t do what they want me to do), I would not be inclined to chat with strange men on Al Gore’s internet.
It rarely leads to anything good.
(And anyone who is not a cis-man, tell me I’m wrong.)
In conclusion, I’m telling you I love positive feedback but I don’t want it to become a prolonged conversation unless we’re already friends
Wow. How was that for a not-SEO-friendly H2? (All my old school bloggers, you feel me?)
Please also note that yes, I am a fragile flower in true fact, and I do not wish “constructive” feedback unless I personally solicit it from you or am paying you to do so (which, at the risk of being redundant, falls under the same aegis as me personally soliciting your feedback).
Honestly, I’m not sure there was a point to this post except that I wanted an excuse to kvetch and though in general I don’t like negative slanting pieces, SOMETIMES I JUST HAVE WORDS I NEED TO GET OFF MY CHESTAL AREA.
(Also, I perhaps needed all of you to know this one perfect and salient fact: NO BAD ANGLES, ONLY VIBES.)