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Y’all, it’s cold in the Bay Area. Like, intellectually, I understand that we live in a very temperate area and there is no snow and rarely any rain. But experientially, it was 39F this morning and my heater kicked on (I don’t even have it turn on until my house drops under 60F). Plus, it’s pouring rain and everything is dreary.
I was not made for such weather. I truly hate winter. My nose gets cold INSIDE MY HOUSE and I have to wear so many layers and even socks. I DESPISE SOCKS. (Yes, yes. For those of you who live in actual winter, the world’s smallest violin is playing the world’s saddest song for me.) And yes, I could just turn the heat up, but DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HEATING COSTS THESE DAYS—I AM ASIAN.
I used to tease my mother for the outside being warmer than the inside of her house. And now, I am my mother! (Okay, technically untrue because the outside is still colder than 60F, but work with me here. I’m trying to spin a narrative.)
Anyhow, it’s perfect hotpot weather. After seeing my friend Joe Park’s IG post about hotpot, I went with some of my besties on Saturday night to an AYCE one. (Incidentally, you should follow his IG because he eats at the best places and has great suggestions for Seoul and Tokyo and pretty much everywhere). I ate so much meat that I think I caused digestion problems for the next day or two. It was great.
As with last week, you will find the following in today’s newsletter (feel free to skip to those parts):
- Personal note
- What brought me joy this week!
- What challenged me
- What else?
- Support and love our community
- Tell me more
Personal note
I finally found my motivation to write the next chapter in my next novel! Unfortunately, my motivation to write two remaining articles before the end of the year disappeared (byeeeee). However, I realized I forgot to link my article about the haenyeo in South Korea. It posted about two weeks ago, and if you’re interested in watching Apple TV+’s documentary “The Last of the Sea Women,” check out my article in Mochi Mag.
Oh, and I created a Spotify playlist for my latest novel, “Weightless.” I namecheck or reference 48 songs in the book (although sadly, Spotify does not have the Metallica cover of “Caruso” so here it is on YouTube). That’s wild to me!!! Anyhow, the list is somewhat haphazard and eclectic, but maybe you’ll find an old favorite (like Tupac’s “California Love”) or a new one (like anything by EggPlantEgg).
What brought me joy
My firstborn Cookie Monster turned 15 last week! First of all, I’m too young to have a 15-year-old. Second of all, someone hold me! This child is taller than Not Yoongi at 5’11” and the doctor says he has another 2” to go. What in the world?
Kitsune, my 22 mo toddler, potty trained herself this week! (Okay, not really. But hear me out.) She told me to take off her diaper, then she made a few attempts to sit on the potty, then SHE PEED. We applauded because OF COURSE and she even bowed. Did I mention she did so in upside down sunnies and a fedora? And then she ran to her WonderGirl cape and used it to wipe herself?
You win some, you lose some.
What has brought you joy this week? See any good shows? Movies? Ate something really delicious? Just hit reply and let me know!
What challenged me
I had an ADHD intake assessment last week, and truly, the mental health department at Kaiser in the Bay Area is fantastic. They were so kind and made the whole process lovely. I only mention this because it was also very challenging. I hit some marks of ADHD (like my inability to can) and in other areas, I’m totally fine. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve arranged my life in a way that consequences are generally minor, if it’s because I’m a mom of 5 children, if it’s because I’m in the very early stages of perimenopause, or some other reason. But whatever the reason, it’s just really hard for me to focus.
What I find hilarious is that for the next stage of assessment, I have to print out 3 forms, fill them out, and then upload them back. Then I have to take a urine test and a blood pressure test. You’d think the latter two would be more difficult, but I can make an appointment online and then show up.
To print things, however, requires so much effort. I have to bring my laptop downstairs to the printer, connect it, and then hope it prints. To get why this is difficult, you must first understand that I am a walking EMP. Wifi often fritzes out around me. Printers stop working. If someone else does it, it’s fine, but I so much as walk by, and the whole thing falls apart.
On top of that, SOMETHING IS BOUND TO OCCUR IN MY HOUSE AS I ATTEMPT TO PRINT THEN FILL OUT THEN UPLOAD THIS PAPERWORK. It’s so labor-intensive, I may never get this next part in.
When I mentioned this to the intake doctor, she said this was the primary reason she was pushing me through to the next step. Everything about me seems normal UNTIL THIS PART.
I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry. Like, if I somehow manage to get this stuff done, does this mean I’ve invalidated my need for an ADHD assessment? But if I don’t, I will never get assessed. It’s a conundrum.
Oh, I realized why I even brought this up.
My old business coach, Brandi Riley, and her business partner Michelle Garrett, have a fantastic new service called MVP Coworking Lab. According to their site, it’s “an empowering community where women focus, create, and thrive together. Our structured sessions and supportive environment help you get things done. Join us to connect, collaborate, and take your projects from start to finish.”
Yes, they’re both my friends, but I’ve worked with both of them in business capacities as a client, and their knowledge and skills are absolutely top notch. In fact, my Chaotic Joy Salon is modeled after Brandi’s old Courage to Earn group’s hot seats.
Perfect if you’re someone like me who benefits from body doubling to get things done. Bonus if you need some accountability, too. They’re both so kind, compassionate, and honest—you will get more than what you pay! Right now, the scheduling doesn’t fit my life at the moment, but the instant it does, you bet I’ll be signing up.
What’s been challenging you lately? Hit reply and let me know if there are ways I can support you.
What else
I’m trying really hard to remember that not everything I enjoy needs to be commodified. Just because I love doing something doesn’t mean I need to turn it into a product. I can just love things. FULL STOP.
A dear friend of mind commented that it was also a sign of privilege, because sometimes, the only way you can have something is if you can justify it monetarily—and often, that is from turning it into a product.
My feeling is that I wish all of us can have the freedom to just love things. While I understand why my friend interpreted my words in the way she did, I also meant things that are intangible.
For instance, I run a salon every few months where I connect some like-minded friends with each other. We each share a celebration, a challenge, and then allow each other to provide wisdom and insight into our personal and professional lives. It’s both a chance to brag about ourselves in our celebration portion, be vulnerable and teachable as we share our challenges, and another chance to show off when we give advice from our lived experiences.
This salon, which I now call the Chaotic Joy Salon, was something I had until recently been considering turning into some sort of networking event and charging a participation fee. I had envisioned growing and expanding beyond just me and 4-5 other friends, and the idea of turning this organic salon into some hustle made me ill and sad. It felt like it robbed the salon of all its magic.
Or things like, oh, I like reading books. Maybe I should be a Booktokker. (Dear friend, that really robs all the joy of reading to me. I can just read books! For free from the library!)
This feeling goes hand-in-hand with what my friend Tracey Gee talks about in her upcoming book “The Magic of Knowing What You Want” coming out 1/28/25. If you’re having a hard time identifying what you want—whether it’s career-wise or just life in general, Tracey’s book is the perfect gentle companion to take with you.
I hope that gives more context to my thoughts! What do you think? What is something that brings you joy that you feel like you must somehow justify enjoying by turning it into a money-making enterprise?
ALSO: last week, a lovely reader informed me that the discord server link I sent out for the Chinese group had expired!! I forgot that discord links expire after a certain time so if you didn’t get a chance to join then, here is a more recent invite link. Don’t wait too long!
I mentioned last week that I have a new cozy fantasy novella coming out early next year. If you like angst, slow burns, and quiet, steady love, (with a dollop of sensuality and spice), let me know if you’d be interested in reading an Advanced Reader Copy of “Love As Soft As a Distant Star.”
Below is a tiny excerpt to give you an idea of its pacing and vibe.
Remi may not know Isaiah’s body like a second skin, but she knows enough.
Remi knows the slow, steady rhythm of his days, how he wakes before her and starts breakfast, does an immediate triage of any bureaucratic fires that erupted overnight before leaving the long term solutions to her, and then heads out to make the public appearances and networking events around town he knows she hates.
She knows Isaiah’s favorite stews and soups, how he takes his coffee and whisky, his favorite sweaters and slippers, his favorite playlists and sports teams, and most of what he is going to say before he says it (especially when it comes to the town and its residents).
She knows the way his shoulder aches in the winter and the exact pressure points to push so his pain can ease. (It helps that Remi can feel an echo of the pain in her own body when Isaiah is too tired to shield her from it.)
Remi knows the way he will hum under his breath as he prepares their cozy cottage for winter and the way he likes to peer into the forest behind them, smiling softly at the deer and tiny foxes that wander into the clearing around their home.
Again, if you want to check out an ARC, I would be happy to send one to you. (Just reply and let me know.)
Support and love our community
Now, for my favorite part of my newsletter!
I firmly believe in mutual aid and helping uplift and support our community when our current societal structures fail people.
Last week, I asked for suggestions that don’t require folks to give money. After all, there is more than one way to help. MNK came through again and suggested What Friends Do. It allows folks to sign up and help other with errands, meals, or even leaving encouraging notes. I find this idea intriguing, and hopefully, you will, too! Please check them out!
Tell me more
And finally, how are you doing? I am truly flabbergasted that so many of you kindly read my blatherings and hold space for me every week. I would love to do the same for you. Reply to this newsletter and let me know how your week is going so far. No tidbit is too much or too small. I really do want to get to know the people who have supported me for so many years.
I am truly so, so grateful.
May you have a week full of chaotic joy!
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