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Last week, I stayed up until 4:30am researching iconic performances at American music award shows and K-pop year-end shows—especially those of female artists like Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and Britney Spears. (It was research for my K-pop inspired books. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) Of course, just as I was about to finally turn in, Kitsune (2) woke up and I didn’t get a chance to sleep until 7am, and that was only for about 2 hours.
Friends, my body isn’t built like that anymore.
It’s been about 4 days since this happened, and I’M STILL EXHAUSTED. I needed to nap on Sunday so that I could go out to dinner with friends visiting from out of town.
It’s disrespectful is what it is. DISRESPECTFUL!
As with last week, you will find the following in today’s newsletter (feel free to skip to those parts):
- Personal note
- What brought me joy this week!
- What challenged me
- What else?
- Support and love our community
- Tell me more
Personal note
I’m heading out to Jin of BTS’s fan meeting/concerts in Anaheim this Thursday, and while I’m excited about seeing Jin live, traveling for concerts is always mildly anxiety inducing. I basically have to shut off my brain because, of course, I can only think of the worst things that could possibly happen while driving 400 miles each way.
I always think of my poem Wednesday, which you can listen to and read along on my Instagram account. While you’re there, subscribe/follow my account! (Also, please pay attention to the content warnings!!) It is a glimpse into the heart of my anxiety about my children and how exhausting it is to swat away intrusive thoughts as you’re just trying to go about your day.
Sadly, that is what my life is generally: batting away intrusive thought after intrusive thought. Thankfully, most of them are just OMG BTS THE THINGS I WOULD DO TO THEM CONSENSUALLY!!! Followed by: HAHAHA WHO ARE YOU KIDDING YOU’RE THE LAZIEST PILLOW PRINCESS TO LAZY PILLOW PRINCESS!
My personal notes have perhaps swung too personal.
Ah, well. If you’re new here, this is how it usually is. My long-time readers either don’t mind, ignore me like Not Yoongi does in order to stay sane, or encourage this unhinged behavior.
TIME WILL TELL WHICH SECTOR YOU FALL INTO. JOIN USSSSSS!
What brought me joy
Almost immediately after seeing the Prime Video trailer for “Butterfly” starring Daniel Dae Kim on Xitter, I rushed to see if I have the screeners AND INDEED I DO YESSSSSSS! Of course, I’m under embargo for quite a while, but I don’t care—watching without screaming online will be worth it! I needs to have it in my eyeballs.
In completely unrelated news, I’m super pleased with my Blended mix on Spotify with my friend Damion. Our taste is IMMACULATE. I’ve shared the playlist link that updates daily for your edification and enjoyment!!
Speaking of music, I can’t remember if I personally performed or sang Egil Hovland’s “Saul,” but I found a recording on YouTube and it’s just so great. I think we had crisper endings and performed it better, but who cares?
Also, since BTS have been out of the military, every day is full of nonsense and chaos and I AM HERE FOR IT LIKE THEY ARE RIDICULOUS AND STUPID AND I LOVE THEM.
What challenged me
Did I mention that BTS is out and that they keep going live or performing or GETTING NAKED ON STAGE LIKE WHAT IS HAPPENING???
HOW IS A PERSON SUPPOSED TO LIVE THEIR LIFE?
Truly, this is why I prefer them in Korea or at least NOT MY FUCKING TIMEZONE. It’s much easier to wake up and find out what nonsense they’ve been up to while I was sleeping than experiencing it in real time LIKE I HAVE A FAMILY!!
Yesterday, (yeah, yeah, NO TRANSITION WHATSOEVER DEAL WITH IT), I had the weirdest sensation of seeing my old Bibles and Bible commentary books that I bought but never read, along with all my C.S. Lewis books—and I suddenly longed for that sense of assurance and certitude I had when I was a Christian.
I consider it all a fiction now, but it was so tempting to dive back into the Bible and dedicate myself to studying God and their promises. But then, I wondered if instead of comfort, it would bring me grief.
I no longer believe in gods—and if I were to, I most certainly would not find them good. A god who is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and GOOD? In this world full of random and chosen violence?
Not likely. Not likely at all.
But surety in a time of uncertainty is tempting. Wanting to believe that there is an overarching goodness and purpose to the world is a soothing lie—but who does it hurt if it is?
Truth matters to me. And also, I recognize that whatever helps a person survive in this world of great suffering, I honor and respect. Who cares if it’s true if we live and thrive and allow others to live and thrive?
That’s what I’ve been thinking nowadays if I let myself think about gods and monsters (which I often consider one and the same).
What else
In writing news, it’s been a week since I finished Chapter 10 of Book 3, and for once, I have not been paralyzed into immobility while waiting for feedback. Normally, I feel raw and super vulnerable when I release something out into the world to my beta readers or the internet. I am super sensitive and like an exposed nerve, like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
But for once, I’ve not felt this way. I don’t know if that is maturity on my part, or just a lucky coincidence, but I’ll take it!
(I would love more reviews on Goodreads for “Illusive” or “Weightless,” the first two books in my K-pop inspired women’s fiction—and if you prefer ebooks, I’m also on Amazon.)
Stella and I are going to be trying something new with Brazn Azn, too. We’ll see if it works out into anything long term, but we’ve started Sidequest podcasts. Mostly to talk about stuff that doesn’t have enough heft to draw out into a full episode, but is still interesting to me to talk about. Plus, we’re going to try writing prompts and have folks glimpse into our writing and editing processes.
That can either be extremely interesting in terms of craft, or extremely boring! WHO CAN SAY?
Of course, you can’t because I haven’t been able to do anything podcast related and am just paying $15 a month for the services I’m not using but ONE DAY I WILL GET BACK TO IT.
In the meanwhile, we have two prompts we’ve already done, and you’re welcome to join us. The general rules are:
- We give you a prompt
- Write any genre (non-fiction, essay, fiction, script, poem, rant, journal entry) for 15 minutes
- That’s it. You can include the prompt within your text or not. We don’t care. We just want you to write and learn something in the process.
If I may confess, my ulterior motive is to read what Stella writes. She’s a brilliant writer, and I’m selfish and want to read what her brain makes. My other ulterior motive is that our audience can peek into how the sausage is made so to speak.
These are the first two prompts:
- “It is required of you.” Bonus if there’s a storm involved!
- “I am not alone” Bonus: Uncover a sinister manipulation.
If you’re interested in using prompts in general, I used The Storyshack for the prompt generation.
Support and love our community
Today, I have something time-sensitive.
My friend’s 14-year-old child is doing a research project through the Center for Scholars and Storytellers at UCLA to study the impact of US film/TV on the cultural identities of Asian-American and Asian-Canadian teenagers (ages 13-18, all Asian identities including East/South/Southeast/Central Asian, Middle Eastern, mixed-race, etc).
If you have a child in your life that fits the description, would you mind asking them to complete this survey? Apparently it’s quite fun, and if you don’t mind sharing to others, that would be awesome.
The final report will be presented to Hollywood creators and executives (and the general public) to help inform better representation in shows and films, so the teens’ feedback and comments will influence those who bring their stories to screens globally.
They are hoping to get responses in by tomorrow Wednesday 7/16, so any help would be very much appreciated!
Tell me more
Thank you to all the folks who reached out to me last week after I sent this newsletter out. I always feel slightly abashed when I hit send, but it’s your responses that keep me going. In this time of extreme division, it’s a balm to my soul when I find that I’m not as alone as I think I am.
I hope that you, too, feel a little less alone—whether because of me or from other people. (And if those other folks are public, please share with me! I love finding pockets of joy in the cesspool that is the internet.)
Just reply to this newsletter and give it all to meeeeeee MOOOOUUUAAAHHAHAHAHAHA.
As always, if you need a space to unburden yourself, in ALLCAPS NO LESS, I am here.
May you have a week full of chaotic joy!
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