This post uses affiliate links.
Folks, I have done very little these last few weeks.
Instead, I’ve listened to a lot of podcasts (at 2x speed, of course, because they’re on YouTube) and played a lot of mindless puzzle games while soaking in these ideas. I’ve mainly been binge-watching/listening to a lot of Trevor Noah, Jay Shetty, Rainn Wilson, Hasan Minhaj, and now, Michelle Obama. I also went on a Ryan Coogler and “Sinners” promo listening spree.
While I like Spotify, I find YouTube’s algorithm sooooo superior to recommending me stuff I like.
As a result, I have made very little stuff because the stuff I make is difficult to do while intaking ideas. Also, I’m still on my Evanescence kick.
As with last week, you will find the following in today’s newsletter (feel free to skip to those parts):
- Personal note
- What brought me joy this week!
- What challenged me
- What else?
- Support and love our community
- Tell me more
Personal note
One of my fatal flaws is the inability to walk away from getting in the last word. Paired with my other fatal flaw of always needing to be right, it’s a lethal combination (both for me and anyone I’ve set within my sights).
My only saving grace is my fear that someone will screenshot the argument and blast on the internet that I’m an asshole. And despite me telling people for years that I am, at heart, an asshole, it will be the final straw for everyone and then I’ll be cancelled.
If the only reason I’m not an asshole is because I’m afraid of being exposed as an asshole, does that make me a good person or a bad person? Or am I just a person?
Along the same lines, if the only reason I don’t rob, steal, murder, or rape people is because some deity threatens me with eternal damnation if I do, am I actually good?
Sometimes, I don’t really think it matters if we’re “good” on the inside as long as we’re “good” on the outside. Think and feel horrible things all you want, but keep your hands off my human rights to exist, live, and coexist in our shared space and time.
Other times, I feel like it does absolutely matter if people are “good” because if I am not inherently good, it would bother me immensely. I don’t want to be a bad person. I want to be the kind of person who is steadfast, kind, and treating people with the dignity they deserve. And if we’re not deserving of inherent dignity because of our goodness, then what the fuck am I even doing? Why does anything even matter?
And still, other times, I ask myself, “Who told you you were bad?” And then I feel my insides cave in a bit and resolve to NEVER let my children feel this way.
I don’t care what any deity—real or imagined—or their bumbling and horrible followers say. My children deserve to live as if they are beautiful and deserving of all good things. All our children do—and by extension, so do we all—especially the people who have been told by society that they are not.
It is this absolute belief in the value of people that caused me to walk away from Christianity. It is also this belief that makes me wrestle with our extremely polarized world—especially the leader of this current administration and his supporters.
How can I reconcile believing that people are good and deserve dignity and also afford this consideration to people who do not see me as such, and would not hesitate to rob me and mine of peace, safety, and joy?
It seems to be yet another fatal flaw, and sometimes, I believe it will be the end of love—and others, I believe that even if it be the end of us, that I would rather go to the end believing in such a world than go on living in a world without it.
Then I sip some water, eat something, and tell myself that there is no need for such dramatics.
I will live because I can do all things through spite when love is not enough to carry me through.
What brought me joy
Other than the podcasts and deriving joy from predicting the ending of the Korean movie “Believer” on Netflix, I don’t know that I’ve been feeling particularly joyful lately. I feel somewhat disconnected, like I’m in a period where I need to consume as much as possible so I can poop out anything at all.
What challenged me
If my personal note isn’t the existential challenge of our times, I really don’t know what is.
What else
I WAS ON BBC RADIO THIS WEEKEND! My segment about whether or not the family dinner is still necessary starts around 2:06:22. One of the producers emailed me Saturday morning, saying he found me from an old Scary Mommy piece I’d written about how I stopped cooking for my kids.
At first I wasn’t sure if it was a scam, but then I re-read my piece and I was hilarious, so I understood why they reached out to me. Also, I think that a previously booked segment or guest must have fallen through, and why shouldn’t I get some press out of it?
Incidentally, it’s the second time I’ve been on the BBC Radio, and it’s just as fun the second time as it was the first. Also, fun fact: I had to be very diplomatic (not something that comes naturally to me) because I knew that if I sounded like an asshole, IT WOULD BE LIVE ON BBC RADIO AND MY EGO JUST CANNOT HANDLE THAT.
Oh, also, my next book is coming out in two weeks!!
“Love As Soft As a Distant Star” is a cozy fantasy novella—and if that’s not convincing enough, it’s steamy, too. If you love arranged marriage/forced proximity tropes (I sure am a sucker for them), slow burns (seriously, the slowest), cozy feels, and soft, quiet love, then check it out.
Also, if you’re local, come meet me in San Francisco on Saturday, June 7. I will have all three of my books for sale, some candy, and can personalize autographs, too. I would love to meet my readers in person, and meet new folks as well. We’ll be at the Sports Basement on 610 Old Mason Street from 1 to 4 pm.
Support and love our community
Today, I want to talk about my nemesis Jeff Harry.
He is a play expert and consultant, and his goal is to be a thought leader and highly impactful in the public speaking space. He specializes in tearing down patriarchy and toxic behavior through play and helping unleash our best selves by making friends with our inner critic.
Also, he makes funny and insightful videos on Instagram and Tiktok.
We met a few years ago through the mommy blogger conference circuit when he used to work for Play-Well TEKnologies, and against our better judgments, became friends. He is now my go-to food buddy in the Bay Area, and one of the people I trust to advise me and tell me hard truths about myself.
I want you to know him because even if he might not play the same role in your life as he does mine, he makes my world brighter whenever his content comes across my timeline. That I can also text him and annoy him like only a nemesis can is a bonus.
Jeff is instrumental in my creative journey, and at least twice now, my car battery has died when he’s been in the car with me. One time, it was because I kept my lights on as we chatted before he went up to his apartment, but unfortunately, we chatted for over two hours and my husband had to drive into Oakland in the middle of the night and try to jumpstart my car while he left the other four kids at home. Did I mention I was hugely pregnant at the time and it was in the middle of the night in Oakland?
Ultimately, AAA had to charge up my battery.
The second time, we were in SF and for some reason, I turned off my car without putting it in park, and I guess that kills the battery, too. This time, we did not ask my husband to come and waited for AAA.
You’d think that Jeff would never get into my car with me ever again, but like I mentioned above, we hang out against our better judgment.
My kids love him so much they wanted to name our fifth child after him. Weirdos.
Anyhow, follow him on Tiktok or Instagram and let his infectious (yes, like a plague) good humor and creativity brighten your day.
Tell me more
How are you doing? I hope you’re getting the support you need, and if not, please let me know if there is any way I can support you.
May you have a week full of chaotic joy!
