**You can find an updated version of this piece, along with exclusive new chapters, in the ebook, (affiliate link) So You Want Your Kid to Learn Chinese.
It’s been awhile since I posted about Chinese language acquisition. I try not to post about this subject unless I actually have something either new to say – or more likely, a new way to present classic truths.
And today is that day. Lucky you!
Since 2017 just started, I figure many of us are taking stock over our past year and planning for the new one. And perhaps, like many of us, your kid’s Chinese has started to backslide and you want to kick it back into gear.
Well, without further preamble, here is the absolute, top, most effective, number one thing you can do to help jumpstart your kid’s Chinese (waitforit):
Speak Chinese to your children.
I know. Collective groans from both speakers and non-speakers alike.
I get it.
Unless you immigrated over relatively later in life, English is likely your dominant language (or at least, the dominant language you think in and communicate with your children).
The thought of communicating in Chinese with your children is likely exhausting (it certainly is for me), and requires constant upkeep and vigilance. The ease and speed at which I slip into English with my kids is something to behold – and really hard to correct course after awhile.
But it can be done.
And then, of course, if you don’t speak Chinese yourself, the possibility of communicating in Chinese with your children is improbable and implausible (though not impossible, I suppose). This article will have limited application for you, but all is not lost. You just have to be more creative and likely, have to pay for it.
Look, I am totally beating a dead horse and Captain Obviousing it here, but seriously: Speak Chinese to your children.
Your common sense likely confirms my brilliant advice.
How did your kids learn English? They heard you speak it. They heard everyone around them speak it. Everything they consumed speaks it.
Thus, the quickest and most efficient way for your kids to learn Chinese is to hear you speak it. The more Chinese they hear and eventually comprehend, the more likely they will speak it. (After all, how can you expect them to speak Chinese if they do not have the vocabulary to express themselves in it?)
I could spout all these language acquisition facts at you and they would most likely bore you to death.
Also? It probably won’t change your behavior because facts without a plan of action don’t really do anything.
So, how can you change your Chinese speaking (or lack thereof) habits?
Here then, are some of my tips:
1) Start small.
Perhaps start off by speaking to the kids for 15 minutes a day and then increasing by 15 minute increments each week. Any time increment will do.
Or maybe, speak only Chinese at meal times. (Although, if your kids are picky eaters and every meal is a battle, don’t add this additional stress to your life. It just isn’t worth it.)
Or maybe, read/tell Chinese stories before bedtime. (Again, if bedtime is normally a contentious time, don’t add more pain to the routine. Choose a different time.)
The point is to just start small, do that consistently, and when you start getting good at that, to increase your Chinese speaking time.
2) What if you can’t speak?
Hire a tutor to just TALK with your kids and play and read or discuss things or go out to eat. Hire someone to do “life”with your child except do life in Chinese.
Hire (or ask family members or friends or beg/borrow/steal) someone to do the activities I listed in the previous point with your children. This can be in person or via Skype or however you manage to do it.
Yes, this sucks that you will have to work harder that parents who speak Chinese don’t have to deal with. But hey, that’s life. We all have different advantages and disadvantages. But somehow, we make it work!
3) Speak Chinese.
I know. Captain Obviousing again.
But really, after you start small and scale up, there really is nothing more to it than the doing of it.
No amount of media, playdates, whatever, can replace you just speaking Chinese to your kid already.
You are the easiest and quickest source of Chinese for your children because you are in their lives and have to be with them.
Speak Chinese to your children.
Yes. I know. My tips suck today because really, other than the “Start Small” piece of advice, I don’t have anything else.
I have totally misled you.
Sorry. (Not really.)
But, Mandarin Mama, you say. My kid won’t speak back to me in Chinese! How will me speaking to them improve that?
Welp, its hard to speak a language and have a conversation if you don’t have the necessary vocabulary with which to speak. Many children aren’t willing to speak Chinglish and use Chinese for the words they know and subbing English for words they don’t.
In that case, just repeat what they said in English in Chinese. Offer them the vocabulary they need.
But what if my Chinese isn’t good enough?
Hey, I get that. And really, the only solution to that is to speak and get better.
What? You have to expend effort?
This is how I feel about most parenting and adulting.
But the more you do it, the easier it will be.
But what if we talk about complicated stuff I simply don’t have the vocabulary for?
Hey, I get it. If I have to talk to my kids about the Birds and the Bees or even bullying, I likely will not be able to with any semblance of nuance or sophistication.
I can choose one of three options:
a) Conduct the conversation in English.
This is the easiest option and totally legit. After all, this is likely not a full time experience and will not affect your children’s overall Chinese fluency.
b) Conduct the conversation in Chinglish.
A little more difficult (and likely, what I end up doing) and subbing complicated vocabulary with English. At some point, it may become ridiculous. Then switch to English.
Again. Unless 80+% of your conversations are deep and complicated, I think you will be fine.
c) Conduct the conversation in Chinese.
Of course, this requires a lot more preparation and work. I am not a fan of this option but I am a lazy sort.
If you are confident enough or want to take the time to do this, by all means! That’s great.
But again, choose what works for you.
Look. Speaking Chinese all the time (or as much as possible) is a lifestyle change.
It will be uncomfortable and awkward. And then it will become easier. And then it will be normal.
Before Cookie Monster (7) was born, I rarely spoke Chinese. I hadn’t really spoken Chinese on a daily and regular basis since I left for college at seventeen. That’s over a decade of not speaking or dealing with or thinking in Chinese.
So, when I had Cookie Monster, I figured I would just copy my parents and speak to him in Chinese and that’s how he would learn to speak and understand it.
I did not realize how difficult it would be.
First of all, I felt ridiculous speaking to my child at all since he was an infant.
Second, it was really hard to switch from over a decade of speaking and thinking predominantly in English to Chinese. It was really hard.
And who would blame me if I slipped up and stopped speaking in Chinese? It’s not like it was a cornerstone of good parenting. But it turns out that teaching Chinese to my kids is a super hardcore value of mine and eventually, it took over my whole life.
Now, I’m not saying you have to be like me and revolve your life around Chinese. But I am saying that it requires effort and intention and continual follow-through.
And now, seven years later, my Chinese vocabulary has expanded, my literacy has (mildly) improved, and speaking in Chinese to my children is like breathing.
To be honest, it is STILL hard. I am constantly looking up words and translations and yelling at my kids to speak in Chinese and to remind myself to speak Chinese during Chinese playdates with my mommy friends.
But overall, it is now a way of life. A conscious way of life, but completely doable and attainable.
It just takes time and consistency.
Speak to your kids in Chinese already.
I know all about how hard it was, but also about the rewards you hint at. I spoke more Chinese in the first 2 months of my child’s life than I have in about 30 years. It was a language that sounded as foreign as it did clumsy, coming out of my mouth. But now, he understands it, a true miracle because I would never have thought that I could ever teach anyone Chinese. It helps that my wife, with roughly the same language ineptness as me, is on board with our technique (ie speaking to our child exclusively in Chinese). I’m even watching some Chinese Youtube videos to teach myself more advanced language. At one point, we will start having to divert some sentences to English, but by then, his first language will hopefully be somewhat ingrained in his subconscious for life, enough to understand conversation.
That’s awesome! Keep it up. You will all get better. 🙂