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I hope you had a lovely long weekend if you’re in the US, and if you’re elsewhere, I hope you had a lovely week AND weekend!
A friend and some of his kids joined us for Thanksgiving and stayed a few nights at our house. Our kids have grown up together (my husband and his friend have known each other for decades and were college roommates), and the kids are so close that Sasquatch (8) thought they were actually cousins. His mind was blown when he learned this past week that they’re not blood-related.
Granted, maybe Sasquatch doesn’t quite know how family works, but then again, maybe he absolutely knows how family works.
As with last week, you will find the following in today’s newsletter (feel free to skip to those parts):
- Personal note
- What brought me joy this week!
- What challenged me
- What else?
- Support and love our community
- Tell me more
Personal note
For the past few years, I’ve wondered if I might have mild ADHD or if I was going crazy because of Mom/pregnancy brain or perimenopause. It was annoying because I felt like I was both looking for an explanation about my behavior as well as an excuse. Perhaps excuse is not the right word, but I wanted a handy scapegoat to lay all my problems at and go, “See? I’m not insane! There are REASONS for my inability to can.”
Is that an excuse or begging for a diagnosis? I don’t know. I suppose it doesn’t matter.
I’m reluctant to talk much about it because it seems on-trend or playing into a narrative I don’t like for myself. (Although, I’ve written about it often enough that my brother has reached out multiple times over the years and told me he thinks I should get diagnosed for ADHD.)
I wrote this piece almost exactly a year ago, and while a lot of my thoughts about not having the words to describe my experiences still feels true, it’s kinda cool to see how this year, I did something with that feeling of wanting to broaden the scope of what it means to be Asian American (and being bored about the same narrative of wanting more representation).
It’s the driving reason behind my podcast Brazn Azn and what I love so much about Ellie Yang Camp’s anti-racism primer for Asian Americans “Louder Than the Lies” (my favorite book of the year). You can read my review of the book at Mochi Mag or listen to our podcast episodes featuring Ellie. My hope for next year is that I continue to chase that feeling of joy and broadening what it means to be normal to include an ever-widening Asian America.
Anyhow, would love to hear your thoughts and experiences about ADHD, mom/pregnancy brain, perimenopause (ugh), or about being Asian American! Email me and let me know!
What brought me joy
As you probably have personally experienced, sometimes, it’s almost impossible to meet up with your friends. When you do manage to do so, someone always last minute cancels because LIFE. So, it was with great joy and surprise that all five members of my Boba Ramen Crew were able to meet up, go to a Korean spa and get scrubbed down in all our spatchcocked naked glory, eat nommy foods at a nearby HK cafe, and then get boba. We hung out for at least 5 to 6 uninterrupted hours together—an almost unheard of luxury. It’s as if it was easier to see each other when our babies were tiny and we had weekly playdates and Costco runs together.
These women have been my constant companions for the last 14 years, and I am sososososo grateful and happy for their presence and support in my life.
Also, Not Yoongi is going through one of his phases of cleaning/fixing the house and truly, I’m so grateful for that sort of energy. He just installed a new shelf in the kids’ closet (it had fallen a few months ago), cleared out and boxed up a ton of baby clothes, and installed a new TV. He didn’t used to be handy and it would fall on me to do a lot of the work—in fact, for over a decade, he was only responsible for working, me, and our children. I did everything else, and I thought it meant I was liberated and in control.
But these last few years, it’s been a burden, and he has gladly taken on more and more of our household responsibilities, and I am just so pleased I have an active and kind partner who cares about me and our life together. The reason I can pursue so much of what I love and am interested in is because Not Yoongi creates a space and environment so that I can.
Also, this Thread post from my friend Maxine made over Thanksgiving made me laugh. She hid 95 tiny axolotls all over her son’s house for him to find, and truly, it was a joy to read. While you’re over there, give me a follow, too!
Have you ever done something fun like Maxine? Who are your people, and do you get to meet with them?
What challenged me
As it has been for the last four weeks, I have been struggling to write a particular article. The more I avoid it, the more it gathers weight and I feel even more ;LKJADS;LKAKALSFJ about it. My hope is that by the next newsletter, I will have written it, even if it’s not my best work. Do you have a hack for finishing stuff you don’t want to do? If so, please let me know!
Thinking of any more challenges on top of the aforementioned one has me in my feelings, so I will keep it brief today. My only other major challenge is the same as it ever was: being a person while parenting.
What else
If you originally signed up for my newsletter because of my posts about teaching kids Chinese, I wanted to let you know about a discord server we created that is an offshoot of the Raising Bilingual Kids in Chinese & English Facebook group. It’s a lot more intimate and far more my speed! Plus, it’s a lot more organized and easier to see information at a glance. Please join us! Would love to see more familiar faces!
My second novel “Weightless” is a great gift for the reader in your life—especially if they love K-pop! It’s a steamy, angsty story full of messy people who have to move on from guilt and forgive themselves, all in the backdrop of K-pop.
Here’s a random snippet from the book. The genre is angst but with dumb jokes.
“Thanks for subbing in at the last minute,” said Alton. “Cece was about to call off the wedding.”
“That seems extreme,” Katie observed neutrally as she sipped on her vodka soda and lime. She examined Alton surreptitiously in one of the many mirrored walls of the bar. He really was just her type: tall, rich, and extremely good-looking.
“It’s bad math is what it is,” harumphed Alton.
Katie took another sip. “Can’t have bad math. One should always derive carefully.”
Alton’s eyes lit up, his generous mouth twisting into a smile. “Can I buy you a drink?”
“Sorry,” Katie replied, barely concealing a smirk, “I don’t drink and derive.”
Thanksgiving dinner went well! It’s been so long since I’ve cooked one (we’ve ordered takeout Chinese food for the last few years), I’m surprised it went off rather well! (I totally forgot to buy more Chinese noodles and we were also out of pasta—but I subbed it in for rice noodles and it all worked out!)
I confess, I also yelled at one of the kids yesterday for choosing to heat up other food instead of eating leftovers. Like we have all this food in the fridge—please eat that before it goes bad. Save the other food for when you need it! Just me?
Support and love our community
Now, for my favorite part of my newsletter!
I firmly believe in mutual aid and helping uplift and support our community when our current societal structures fail people. If you are able, I would be so grateful if you could support my friend Katherine. I met her through an online group and bonded through our many children, homeschooling, and common desire to decolonize our lives as POC. She is a single mother of 5, and she has an Amazon wishlist and a Christmas-specific wishlist up. If you prefer direct giving, this is Katherine’s CashApp and Venmo. Whatever you are able, even if it’s just to amplify this message, would be so appreciated.
Tell me more
And finally, how are you feeling as we head into the last month of the year? I would love to hear from you about any of the topics I touched on in the newsletter, or for an entirely different reason altogether.
May you have a week full of chaotic joy!
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