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It’s pub day!!
You can order my steamy, cozy fantasy novella “Love As Soft As a Distant Star” now from Amazon and Bookshop.org. The e-book is only $2.99 or if you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited, it’s on there for free.
Thank you to everyone who has pre-ordered the book! Sales on the first day (and pre-orders count toward it) are really important to the Amazon algorithm and whether or not they show your book to other people.
So, thanks!!
As with last week, you will find the following in today’s newsletter (feel free to skip to those parts):
- Personal note
- What brought me joy this week!
- What challenged me
- What else?
- Support and love our community
- Tell me more
Personal note
I knew theoretically that medication for mental health and neurodivergence was tough to get right. Medication in general is tough to calibrate because testing is done on white men and they don’t do trials on women—let alone WOC.
HOWEVER.
I was underprepared for this calibration on ME. And while I understood that medication can affect a person—like, of course it can because otherwise, how can you block pain—but I did not truly understand just how much medication can change behavior and mood.
Last week, I switched to the extended release version of Adderall because I kept forgetting to take my second dose in the afternoon and it was starting to affect my productivity. I figured that since it’s the same medication, it wouldn’t make that much of a difference.
Dear Reader, I was wrong.
I have been on edge and extremely irritable for the last week. I’ve been on a hair-trigger, and there were a few times I felt completely out of control. I knew I was overreacting. I knew I was behaving horribly.
But I could not stop.
And I was afraid. I was so afraid that I would hurt my children or myself.
Don’t worry. I’ve reached out to my doctors and we’re working on it, but it’s terrifying to realize that so much of my brain can be altered by drugs. Like, yes, I know that. But to know it is different from experiencing it.
Clearly, what an astute reader has deduced is that I am a product of Nancy Reagan’s DARE program (and truly failed war on drugs). I am decidedly square, folks. (And also a wee bit of a control freak.)
What brought me joy
Went on an unhinged spree full of really bad puns and inappropriate comments about a prompt I came up with from a random conversation with Stella, my Brazn Azn podcast co-host.
Here’s the prompt: What if a lodestone and a lodestar get married?
Check out my Threads for the tropes I need as well as for part of the ridiculousness. (While you’re there, follow me!) The rest was in a group chat and friends, it was everything that I love about writers and language.
Also! I finished 2 out of 3 articles, but somehow got roped into another article. BUT! I will be interviewing someone pretty high up at a company that I REALLY WANT TO HAVE MORE INROADS INTO. I will say no more because sometimes, I’m superstitious and convinced if I talk about a thing before it happens, it’s inviting the gods to cancel it.
Don’t look to closely, powers that be. Nothing to see here.
Oh, and the Met Gala pics are still bringing me joy. Mostly, hearing my friends discuss the fashion and being catty. (Ok, it was me being catty. I may or may not have called a famous Asian actor a salamander. In my defense, that comment did bring me joy, and I do think he resembled one. That is all.)
Lastly, Bad Bunny completely bypassing the US for his global tour is sending me. Man said FUCK ICE and the US. I know absolutely nothing about him, but a man this petty with a symbolic boycott is so sexy.
What challenged me
It’s been so hard to do anything lately. I don’t know if it’s the medication or burn out. (I did, after all, finish two articles.) A friend wondered if I was depressed, but I don’t feel depressed. But also, I don’t feel like doing much anything at all, soooooo…
I don’t know if this is how I was for 2016-2020, but it feels familiar. This general dread and feeling of hopelessness. Each morning, unsure of what new stupidity and horror the previous night wrought thanks to the slow and now quick dismantling of democracy.
Each day, I wonder anew at how I was so foolish to bring five children into this world.
If having children isn’t the most foolish and optimistic (or fatalistic, I guess it depends on the day) choice, I don’t know what is.
Each day, I think, “Welp, I have to make it because I refuse to traumatize my children. They deserve joy and a shot at a happy life.”
Each day, I sigh. Here we fucking go again.
I want to remind you, Dear Reader, that you, too, deserve joy and a shot at a happy life. I don’t care what the world tells us—we deserve to live life fully in the light.
Any who dare deny us because of our skin, our sex, our abilities, our access to money—their time is coming. It may be slow. It may not be now. But it will come. And when it does, I want us and our children to be there.
I don’t believe that the arc of the universe tends toward justice, but I hope the arc of PEOPLE tends toward it. I hope that we matter. Whether it’s because there are gods or just a lot of fucking luck—our love, our joy, our spite—will see us through.
What else
I don’t know how much I have left in me to write about this week. But here are a few places you can find me:
Last week, we interviewed Taiwanese American filmmaker and actor Anthony Ma on his new short film “God and Buddha Are Friends.” From the first time I chatted with him for Mochi Magazine (look out for that article later), I felt like we’ve known each other forever.
Check out what I think is a hilarious episode on Spotify or YouTube or anywhere they stream podcasts.
Also, if you want to know what are some shows and movies to watch that are releasing in May, here’s our latest entertainment round up for Mochi Magazine.
I have a few interviews/features slated to come out over the next few weeks along with several concert reviews in the upcoming months. This is part of the plan to get to BTS, okay? I don’t know if it will ever happen, but luck favors the prepared.
(If you’re wondering why I linked that last phrase, it’s an Easter egg for my book “Weightless.” IYKYK.)
Support and love our community
To be honest, I’m not sure what to put in this section today. Not because I didn’t see anything online or hear anything this week. I did—I just forgot to screenshot and bookmark them.
Like I said, it’s been one of those weeks.
So, in its place, I would like to encourage you to think about donating or volunteering time and resources on a regular basis versus a one-off or whenever something catches your attention. Ever since I got my first paycheck, I made it a point to set aside a percentage of my salary for the purposes of giving. I also had a small budget that I would draw from for miscellaneous donations throughout the year.
This is not to make myself look good, but rather, emphasize how I got in the habit of automatically setting aside money for either giving or savings. It’s the passive action that is key for me, because if left to my own devices, it would never happen.
I know it’s the case for time, too. When I used to regularly go to church or book clubs, I would automatically set aside time for these events—and know to never schedule anything at those times unless it was an emergency.
It was in the forming of these habits that allowed me to consistently give. Though I did not give a lot, it’s the addition of years of tiny donations that made a difference in both my mindset and the organizations. Perhaps they would have preferred larger amounts, but there is also security to be found in a dedicated donor/volunteer base that you know will show up through thick and thin.
Tell me more
Every week, I’m stunned and slightly confused why people like you choose to give me your eyeballs and read my words. I am so grateful to you, and I am so grateful to the folks who also reply or reach out to me and continue our conversation.
I appreciate you. Please, if I can ever be a safe space for you to hold your thoughts and emotions, it would be an honor.
May you have a week full of chaotic joy!
