I don’t think I truly understood fear until I had children. I mean, my life was full of fears before I had kids. In fact, I was hemmed in by them until I slowly started to dismantle them, one by one. (An on-going process, to be sure.) But the all-gripping, irrational terror and helpless type of fear? That soared to new heights as soon as Cookie Monster came into the picture.

Perhaps my penchant for post-apocalyptic fiction fanned the flames, but really, any news story relating to natural disasters and small children would add to my “crazy” pile. I know I’ve written about this before thanks to a brief and completely non-harrowing stint stuck in an elevator. But it bears repeating. Or rather, it’s been on my mind lately because of a LifeHacker article on making a Go Bag (aka “Bug Out Bag”), the recent earthquakes in SoCal, and a few discussions on Facebook (spurred on by me, of course).

So, since I’ve written before about Go Bags and disaster preparedness (albeit, briefly), I won’t rehash that ground here. (Or maybe, I will. I’ll just keep you in suspense until the end.) Rather, today I want to write about all the classes I’m going to make my children take so that they will be prepared in the future.

Hapa Papa thinks I might be taking it a bit too far, but since my primary job is to raise my kids and keep them safe, it seems perfectly logical to me. Of course, Hapa Papa and I should take these classes as well since we really can’t rely on our four and two year olds to do this if the inevitable zombie apocalypse comes before the kids are old enough to amass all this knowledge. (Incidentally, Hapa Papa thinks that if I am serious about all this end of the world stuff that we should own guns. Several guns. I just. I can’t. It taps into even MORE fears of my kids being idiots and killing each other accidentally.)

So, here are, in no particular order, a bunch of things/classes I want my kids to learn in order to be useful in a disaster situation (as well as be all around BAMFs):

1) Wilderness survival class (hopefully this includes what plants and animals are safe to eat – otherwise, that’s another class)

2) Natural disaster preparedness

3) Being in scouts (someone has to teach them camping, etc.)

4) Martial arts of some sort (eventually, Krav Maga because Israelis/Mossad are the BAMFs of all BAMFs)

5) Gun safety and training

6) Orienteering (perhaps this is covered in scouts and wilderness survival)

7) Urban survival training (this is the most likely scenario, anyway)

8) CPR and general first aid

Of course, this list isn’t all-inclusive. I’m sure there are disasters and scenarios that I can’t conceive of or remember on a gloomy Monday morning. but that’s a nice start. However, the likelihood of needing this knowledge is low (other than CPR and first aid). More likely, what is most helpful at present are the following:

1) Knowing my and Hapa Papa’s cel phone numbers and home address.

2) Knowing which strangers are OK to approach when lost (eg: police officers, mommies with children in tow, people in uniform)

3) Knowing which foods they are not allowed to eat due to food allergies

4) How to swim. (Admittedly, much harder than all the rest to learn considering Cookie Monster’s first and last swimming lesson resulted in him screaming his brains out in my ear for 20-30 minutes.)

Crap. We are currently at 25%. I better get going. Hmmm… better yet. Maybe I can convince Cookie Monster’s preschool teacher to teach them 1 and 2 instead. Heehee. Excellent!

Alright. Anything I missed? Tell me in the comments. No need to tell me I’m crazy. I already know that.