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I’m so tired—but in a happy way.
Every time I travel, I am reminded that my body is no longer a body in its prime. I know I’m far from old. I could be treating myself better and doing more physical activity so that I can maintain and improve my physical endurance and abilities. But this commentary is about sleep and my absolute need for it.
I’ll write more about it in a second, but listen to your body. If you need to sleep, sleep. If you need to eat, eat. Most importantly, if you need to pee, pee. (I almost exploded in a mist of pee!)
As with last week, you will find the following in today’s newsletter (feel free to skip to those parts):
- Personal note
- What brought me joy this week!
- What challenged me
- What else?
- Support and love our community
- Tell me more
Personal note
Sometimes, I forget that being medicated is not a panacea. Adderall cannot help me if I make mistakes—it just makes me really focused when I make them!
The night before my friend Carmie and I left for LA to see j-hope, I realized I reserved the wrong dates for our Airbnb. There was also a reason why it was so inexpensive—I had only reserved one night—and on the night that we were leaving.
Thank goodness I know a lot of people in LA and my friends Damion and Kim opened their home to me and Carmie VERY last minute. They treated us like royal guests and I was grateful for the bonus friend time!!
Then, Kitsune (2), in her preternatural sense that mama was LEAVING HER, woke up at 3:30 a.m. and did not fall back asleep until 5:30—when I was supposed to wake up to leave. I drove all the way to LA, dropped off our stuff at Damion’s, then drove almost 2 hours (yay traffic) to BMO Stadium, made soundcheck, saw the concert, and then had to sit in the parking lot for over an hour in order to get out, and then drove 45 minutes back to Damion’s.
I didn’t sleep until 2 a.m.
Saturday, I slept in a little, had brunch with a good friend, and then we all went to an event put on by my friend, music producer Sleep Deez. (He’s produced for Rihanna, Black Eyed Peas, and BTS.) Sunday, I also slept in a bit, then left super early for soundcheck and this time, we luckily got home right around midnight.
Thankfully, we left a little later to avoid traffic, and halfway up, Carmie drove the rest of the way. My reunion with Kitsune was delightful (she sank her tiny body into mine and then demanded hugs and kisses for a good 5 minutes before she was off to her shenanigans). I slept a good seven hours (albeit interrupted) and Kit finally slept a decent amount of time, too.
I guess we need each other to properly rest.
All this to say that I need sleep to function well and I’m glad I got it. AND ALSO, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT ANY HOBI CONCERTS ON THE HORIZON?
Speaking of Hobi concerts, here is my blog post on my fan experience at the Oakland concerts. If you’re curious about what it’s like to have soundcheck, what a BTS concert is like, or just want to support me, the post is for you! My LA concert review should be up sometime this week or next at Mochi.
What brought me joy
Of course, it goes without saying that attending the two LA shows of j-hope were the highlight. You can see my fancams from day 2 on YouTube. (I also have day 1, but from my spot, it was difficult to get good footage.)
I was in his IG stories twice more!! I’m on j-hope’s phone 4 TIMES!!!!
Oh, and I got recognized twice! Once at Sleep’s event, and once in line for the bathroom after the second concert. Kudos to eagle-eyed folks. I don’t know how people are recognizing me because when I say you can barely see a sliver of my face, I mean it. All you can see of me is glasses, a BTS cap, a j-hope hoodie over the cap, and a white mask. And yet, still. “ARE YOU MANDARIN MAMA?”
Amazing.
But, as much as this is both cheesy and too feelsy for my personal comfort, the best part of the weekend was once again, connecting with my friends and community.
Yes, the Airbnb fiasco was an initial point of pain, but hanging out with Damion and his family was so wonderful. Seeing a few LA specific friends was a joy. Meeting up with moots (that’s fandom speak for mutuals), attending Sleep’s event and seeing a professional side to him (he’s always a professional, but when we hang out, we’re hanging out), and just being surrounded by fans who have great energy and love for j-hope was a joy.
And, of course, returning to my darling toddler. Holding her solid, tiny body and hugging her, breathing her in, covering her with kisses (clearly the rest of the fam did not do their job in giving her enough kisses), and just being welcomed home by my tiny person was a joy.
I’m not saying the other kids could have welcomed me back with more excitement, but I’m not not saying that. Hmph. (To be fair, they were DONE with our tiniest human. She was exhausting as she always is.)
For me, it always comes back to community. Part of what makes me stan BTS is the community. Yes, there are toxic parts of it (and we rightfully call them out and in), but it’s the people—the content creators, my friends, my memories—all wrapped up into a hot, talented package of 7 South Korean men.
It’s all of a piece and it’s this community in particular that brings me joy. The concerts are awesome, of course, but what makes it awesome (other than the performance) is the sense that we are all in this love together.
What challenged me
As I mentioned before, all the sleep deprivation and driving took a toll on my body—and of course, concert food. I feel so bloated and my fingers and feet are super swollen, but I imagine that will wear off soon-ish. I’m already feeling better than I was yesterday.
The main challenge is that I have so much work to catch up on—including writing the reviews for Mochi Magazine. Let’s hope adderall comes through! Lolol.
What else
I’m getting my hair cut and dyed today! Yes, yes. A wiser person would have done so FOR j-hope, but a practical person such as myself knows that today is better for my schedule because it’s spring break!
Oh, if you need recommendations for what to watch in April, here’s my latest entertainment round-up for Mochi.
Once again, pre-sales are up for my new cozy fantasy novella, “Love As Soft As a Distant Star”—including paperbacks!! If you are able, pre-ordering is really helpful because the sales all hit on the day of release and then I get a nice bump in the Amazon algorithm and will be shown to more people.
If you love arranged marriage/forced proximity tropes (I sure am a sucker for them), slow burns (seriously, the slowest), cozy feels, and soft, quiet love, then check it out.
If you would like to check out the book ahead of everyone else, you can also fill out this interest form for an Advanced Reader Copy.
I’m so grateful for folks who have already reviewed my book on Goodreads. Truly, I don’t expect everyone to like what I write, but when people are kind and like the parts I like, it makes me feel all asdfklj;adsfjadskfjas inside.
Plus, reviews on Storygraph, Goodreads, or Amazon are one of the biggest ways you can help authors—especially independent ones like me. Reviews are so important, and whether you get the ARC or buy the book, your reviews are so appreciated.
Also, if you’re local, come meet me in San Francisco on Saturday, June 7. I will have all three of my books for sale, some candy, and can personalize autographs, too. I would love to meet my readers in person, and meet new folks as well. We’ll be at the Sports Basement on 610 Old Mason Street from 1 to 4 pm.
Support and love our community
Today, I want to highlight filmmaker Spencer Tseng and his new artist development program Dream State: Awakening Visions. The program “will nurture the creative dreams of nine rising Bay Area youth—six from San Francisco’s Chinatown.”
“This has been a personal dream I’ve had for years being able to nurture the next the generation of storytellers. And creative spaces need to be protected more than ever,” says Tseng in his newsletter. “We hope to not just give them the skills to become excellent storytellers, but to build leaders of our communities. Leaders with stories that make revolution irresistible (not my words, but I live by them).”
Tseng was a featured filmmaker at CAAM Fest (Center for Asian American Media) last year (you can read my review of his short at Mochi). Since then, I’ve run into him at local Asian American events and even attended his Dream State conference a few months ago.
If you know folks who would benefit from this program, please let them know. The deadline closes May 18th, 2025.
Do you want to highlight a group or person you think I will love? Please, reply to this email and pass along their info to me. I truly want to shine a light on folks who bring more joy and safety in our world.
Tell me more
What brought you joy this week? And alternatively, what do you need someone to hold space for this week? I am so grateful for readers like yourself, I want to return the favor and hold your joys and burdens as you do for mine. Feel free to reply to this email and let me know how I can support you.
May you have a week full of chaotic joy!
Concert photo courtesy of HYBE.
