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I have been having a tough few weeks, friends. I don’t know if it’s just this political clime, hormones (this early perimenopause is a trip!), or lack of sleep, but I have a short fuse. My tolerance for wiggling is even lower than usual, and I’m so easily frustrated by the tiny humans.
Ok, if I’m honest, I’m really easily frustrated by regular humans, too. Thankfully, I have more bright spots in my day than not, even though I had a few moments where my thoughts spiraled. For several hours last week, I felt so hopeless; I wanted to walk out the front door and never go back home. I’m grateful my brain settled enough so I didn’t inflict untold childhood trauma on my kids. (LOLSOB) I’m grateful I eventually told a friend about it hours later, and I’m even more grateful it was just a passing moment.
We kind of touch on this topic of being stuck and feeling so behind in our first Brazn Azn episode of Season 2. Then we interviewed my friend Tracey Gee about her new book, “The Magic of Knowing What You Want,” in episode 2, which all dovetailed nicely.
Please check out our new podcast episodes and let me know what you think!
As with last week, you will find the following in today’s newsletter (feel free to skip to those parts):
- Personal note
- What brought me joy this week!
- What challenged me
- What else?
- Support and love our community
- Tell me more
Personal note
I had a bilateral salpingectomy (got both fallopian tubes removed) last Thursday, and it’s taking me out! I don’t know how I equated “not as bad as a C-section” with “no recovery time,” but I assure you, I was mistaken. The pain is low, but I’m wiped out. Just completely wiped out from doing the tiniest of activities.
What brought me joy
Of course, of COURSE, Kendrick Lamar’s halftime show!!
Others way smarter and cultured than me have already broken it down, but damn! Beyond the performance, just what a fucking amazing work of art and protest. Beyond brilliant. Give this man all the awards. (I know he has a bunch already—including a Pulitzer—but give him more.)
I hope it provides us hope and joy and motivation. Like, when it gets shitty (and it will get shittier), to remember this moment. Kendrick’s Superbowl and Beyoncé’s Christmas Day halftime performances can galvanize us to elevate our art.
May I be half as petty as Kendrick Lamar and bring along as many people with me in my wins as Beyoncé.
This past weekend, I hung out with the ladies of my Bay Area bookclub again and we glazed pottery! It was super wholesome and fun, and I painted SHEEP because they’re the only things I can really draw, and also, I LOVE SHEEP. THEY ARE SO DUMB.
What brought you joy this week? I’m in a season of being sad, so any joyful glimmers would be so helpful to my spirit.
What challenged me
I started my first dosage of Adderall yesterday, too, and I cannot say I enjoy it. I COULD HEAR MY HEART. ALSO DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY JUST LISTEN TO THE RADIO AND NOTHING ELSE MY BRAIN CAN ONLY THINK OF THE SONG THAT’S PLAYING AND BARELY ONE OTHER THOUGHT.
I HATE IT.
I really don’t need to focus that intently on TSwift’s lyrics, okay? I usually use my drives to have my brain solve writing/plotting issues, and my brain was so quiet, I wanted to scream.
I also have a headache and constantly feel queasy. IT’S GREAT, Y’ALL.
I’ll keep you posted on my ADHD medication journey—but as of right now, I just cannot imagine people taking amphetamines recreationally. Like who would want to feel this shitty on purpose?
Anyhow, how are you doing? Do you have any wisdom about finding the right mental health medication? Reply to this email and let me know. I would love to chat with you.
What else
Once again, I am back on my shit of buying j-hope from BTS concert tickets—but the Los Angeles edition! The presale starts today at 3pm so please root for meeeeee! It’s going to be a bloodbath, and while I want LA residents to get first dibs because they’ve had a helluva start to the year, I also want ME to get tickets.
I’m not a good person, okay? I’m just a person trying to see one of my favorite humans on earth for a bonus round of concerts. I’m greedy and I’m okay with it.
If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area next weekend, I’m going to be at a local book popup at Pier 23 on Sat 2/22 from 4-7pm! Please drop by! I’ll have copies of my books “Illusive” and “Weightless,” maybe some candy, and we can chat (either awkwardly or like old friends—I’m cool with either).
Do you attend a book club (virtual or in real life)? What do you like most about them? Please reply and let’s chat!
Support and love our community
I don’t personally know author Bianca Mabute-Louie, but we’re in some of the same groups and I really want folks to check out her new book “Unassimilable: An Asian Diasporic Manifesto for the Twenty-First Century.” It’s about the folks in the Asian diaspora who choose not to assimilate into the dominant culture and build their own—and to be honest, I find it intriguing and terrifying all at the same time. To find out more, here’s our Mochi Mag review of the book by Tony DelaRosa.
Also, if you have a moment, please subscribe to my friend Natasha Nicholes’s non-profit We Sow We Grow. They run an urban farm in Chicago and provide quality food for their neighborhood and opportunities for residents to learn about gardening and farming. Of course, while donations are always appreciated, you can help also by signing up for their newsletter!
Check out their video, too!
Are you doing something cool and would love to share with more people about it? Please reply to this email and tell me all about it. I would love to feature more folks in this community.
Tell me more
And finally, how are you doing? I can’t believe February is 11 days in, and gracious, that’s way too quick for my liking. How did you find the Superbowl halftime show? What music are you liking lately? What’s a great book I should check out? Please write back! I would love to hear from you.
May you have a week full of chaotic joy!
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