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I don’t know how to open this week’s newsletter so I guess I’ll just dive right into some random topic. (I suppose it might not actually seem very different at all to you, Dear Reader.) I’m not actually sure what I did this past week, but I feel like I did a lot! I’m sure I’m not resting as much as I should be, especially since my body still seems to be hurting occasionally from surgery recovery. But since I’m a woman, I’m used to pain and ignoring my body’s signals (Lolsob).
So, uh, let that be your sporadic reminder to listen to your body. Take this moment to unclench your jaw, loosen your shoulders, stretch, drink water, and go pee. Come back and read the rest of this newsletter after!
As with last week, you will find the following in today’s newsletter (feel free to skip to those parts):
- Personal note
- What brought me joy this week!
- What challenged me
- What else?
- Support and love our community
- Tell me more
Personal note
Yesterday was my 18th wedding anniversary! My marriage with Not Yoongi can now legally vote and run for local office. I spent the day having lunch and dinner with friends. He spent the day working and shuttling the children to Muay Thai.
I would give marriage advice, but honestly, the only secret to staying married is to not get divorced. It says nothing about the quality of the marriage other than the fact that inertia won and agency lost.
That said, I am super grateful to my husband. He’s a solid, great, dependable, and long-suffering man who is all the children’s favorite parent (except the baby who still loves me most) and supports me in all my shenanigans.
What brought me joy
Now that I’m more and more used to adderall, I’m constantly amazed at how zen and even-keeled I feel. The fact that I can just do things is astonishing to me. Did you know that I packed all my books and materials for the book pop up this weekend A DAY EARLY?? Normally, I would’ve been packing up until the moment I left! And then—AND THEN! I unpacked everything and put things away the very next morning.
Listen, as someone who still hasn’t fully unpacked from a trip back to Taiwan in 2015 (all the stuff, I just shoved into another bag and I have promptly forgotten about it until I run into it every year or two), THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED TIMES.
This is the kind of unprecedented times I prefer, folks.
Speaking of the book pop up—I had a table and sold more books than I expected! I would have been happy with just one sale, but not only did I cover the bridge toll, parking, and the candy, I also had enough to buy these cute picture books (“ABCs for ABCs” anyone??) by fellow Asian American author Anna Wong.
What brought you joy this week? I love hearing about people’s happinesses, no matter how big or small. A joy shared is a joy multiplied!
What challenged me
The hardest thing for me this past week has been remembering that I am not responsible for the happiness of my friends. Over the last 25 years or so, one of my top five strengths has consistently been Restorative, which is being really good at figuring out what a problem is and fixing it.
So when my friends share their struggles and difficulties, I go into problem solving mode—and well, people are not problems to be solved. People do not heal linearly. The world is complicated, and people’s problematic situations are often compounded by systems, culture, and other forces outside of their control.
The hardest part for me is sitting back and allowing friends to make bad decisions or go for the short-term fix that doesn’t actually fix anything. There is only so much “tough love” I want to (or am asked to) give, and I don’t want to be that person (even if they actually ask me to do so).
However, let me take this moment to give the PSA I’ve been posting on social media:
You cannot pray, journal, eat, exercise, essential oil, positive mindset your way to healing mental health any more than it will heal your physical health. Do they help? Of course. However, none of these are substitutes for working with a qualified mental health care professional.
None of these activities can substitute for taking a hard look at yourself, your trauma, your triggers, or your situation. None of these can substitute for medication. Journaling (or whatever) to heal your brain is like saying journaling will heal cancer. If that sounds implausible, that’s because it is.
Anyhow, I don’t know if this “challenge” is actually a cheat because it’s not my personal challenge that I’m going through, but I suppose it’s one my character is suffering. What has challenged you this week? It doesn’t have to always be a bad thing—like it could be that you challenged yourself to a run a personal record! Reply to the email and let me know. <3
What else
Last week, our Brazn Azn podcast interviewed the incomparable poet and person Ophelia Hu Kinney. Kinney works for Reconciling Ministries Network, and according to their site, they are “committed to intersectional justice across and beyond the United Methodist connection, working for the full participation of all LGBTQ+ people throughout the life and leadership of the Church.”
I know last week, our podcast talked about being brazenly anti-evangelical, but we can have layers, okay? Besides, we support folks who are pro-liberation for ALL, and Kinney and her work absolutely does so.
Also, my review of Tracey Gee’s “The Magic of Knowing What You Want” is up on Mochi Magazine. I cannot say enough good things about my second favorite read of 2024, so please, if you or you know someone who is at a crossroads and trying to figure out what they want to do next, (or even what they want to do now), this is THE book. Gentle, kind, and informative, I promise you’ll come out of it more clear on what it is you want.
If you’re looking for what to watch this February (although it’s almost over, so I apologize—but that doesn’t mean you can’t catch up), then here’s a round up of what we’re watching at Mochi.
Oh, and I suppose it’s been some time since I posted about my books. I decided to merge my author newsletter with the Chaotic Joy newsletter because I can barely remember all my children’s names—I don’t know that I can add one more thing for me to remember. So, consolidate it is!! And watch out for more book talk!
“My mother used to tell me I had to be water,” [Katie] continued softly while tucking her feet under herself. “She said that water could absorb a punch, that it could get into cracks and wear down even stone.” [She] pulled the sleeves of her UCLA hoodie past her fingers. “It’s such bullshit though. Why do we have to patient and tolerate men who would punch us?”
“You shouldn’t have to,” he agreed. Katie looked so fragile that Akihiro longed to reach out and enfold Katie in his arms.
These tiny glimpses into her soul were why he preferred spending time with Katie in her own spaces, why he often conned his way over to her penthouse after work. She was much quieter and more subdued than Akihiro had expected, but he also understood that the life of a public person could drain even the most blatant of extroverts, which he knew she used to be.
—Virginia Duan, “Illusive”
Find out if Akihiro and Katie grow closer or further apart in my novel “Illusive.” If you love stories about messy people, found families, recovering from trauma, and OF COURSE SEXY TIMES, all set in the K-pop world, give my book a shot.
Support and love our community
This week, I wanted to bring to your attention another amazing resource and person for you to support and check out. I’m sure you’ve all heard me rave about Ellie Yang Camp’s anti-racist primer for Asian Americans “Louder Than the Lies,” but did you know that she has a quarterly substack called “Thought Process”? It’s chock full of resources, her thoughts, and just brings me so much joy. I also end up feeling informed and like I’m a better person for having read it.
For instance, her latest newsletter shared some free online trainings through Right To Be. I keep meaning to take a bystander training course, and they have several for the various communities they support like for the LGBTQIA+, neurodiverse, Asian American, and gender-based communities. They even have an option to donate, too!
Where do you get your info? More importantly, where do you get your joy? I would love to check them out and share with our community—especially if it’s you! Just reply to the email directly and send me the good stuff.
Tell me more
Whew! This felt like an extra long newsletter, but maybe I’m just getting too acclimated to my medication and need a higher dosage. I love hearing from my readers, and I would love to hear what’s going on in your world. Writers often write in a vacuum, and short of the few good friends who gives us their real opinions, we don’t always get to hear back from readers.
Don’t be shy! I won’t bite (unless you’re made of mousse and then, all bets are off!!).
May you have a week full of chaotic joy!
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