So, at what point do you stop asking your mom to stop buying you clothes?

I sound really ungrateful, but ever since Cookie Monster was born (about 5-6 years ago), my mom will periodically buy me shirts. And because she never knows how to fit me, she buys the same basic shape over and over again. I now have 10-20 billowy sleeveless tanks/shirts – and I just got another one for Mother’s Day. I suspect, I will get another one for my birthday in three months.

Of course, this does not include all the other shirts I own, so I have at least a month’s worth of short sleeve shirts and tanks. None of which I love particularly.

I also have a dearth of long sleeve shirts, and the ones I do have, are the same, shapeless sadness. None of which I love particularly.

And when I ask for long sleeve shirts (naturally, killing two birds with one stone), SHE BRINGS ME 3/4 SLEEVES.


And it annoys me because then I have to find another long sleeve shirt (see aforementioned sartorial sadness) or jacket or sweater and I HATE WEARING JACKETS AND SWEATERS!

I have mentioned this situation to my mother so often throughout the years that she gets annoyed and offended and says she will stop buying me things (IF ONLY) – after all, she doesn’t want to waste her money! But then BOOM! Surprise!

If I have her return an item for reasons other than fit, she makes it sound like I am too picky and that I’m never satisfied. And I realize that she really likes buying me stuff. That is how she expresses her love to me.

But it’s getting ridiculous.

I cannot stand another ten years (or whenever it takes for this current fashion trend to end) of tank tops and sleeveless shirts!

And she never buys pants (thankfully) because she can’t conceive of a size that is not 0-2 so she has just given up on me in that arena (vs asking what my actual size is). But billowing shirts! With no sleeves! That can cover wide shoulders (especially if there are no sleeves, we don’t even have to worry about it!) and large bosoms!

I know. I am an ass.

But seriously – I just hate the idea that all this money is going to waste on clothes that I don’t mind but don’t make me feel great and just turn me into a shapeless lump (which, admittedly, I am). So I wear them, but most of them just stay in the closet because honestly, how many shirts does a person need?

Perhaps, she thinks I don’t have any clothes because I wear the same clothes over and over again. But who wants to wear nicer things when your children think you are some magical, giant walking napkin? Who has the energy to expend on figuring out yet another thing to wear when I can just wear what I wore yesterday providing nothing catastrophic happened to me while wearing it?

And perhaps, if she were buying the clothes from Wal*mart or Target, I wouldn’t mind. But she buys things that ON SALE is more than I would pay NORMALLY. So, it really is more money than I am comfortable with her spending, but I suppose it is also her money so she can do whatever the heck she wants with it.

The irony is that she always makes a big deal out of “love languages” regarding my children, but never pays attention to mine!! (Incidentally, part of it is STOP BUYING ME SHIT, I buy enough for myself, kthx.)

I feel loved when she spends time with the kids. That is all I want. Or money for their college educations. And food. Yes, always food.

But other than that, I don’t really want things – and I definitely don’t want any more sleeveless shirts.

I’ve pretty much guaranteed receiving only 3/4 sleeves for at least a year, haven’t I? Sigh.