My optometrist has outright told me I need to put my phone down. My eyes are deteriorating at a pace that will be rending my LASIK surgery useless soon. (LASIK was my first major purchase with my first job after college and I had a good run. Going from -920 to 20/20 was a revelation. But I can’t have nice things because I read too much and am on the phone pretty much all waking hours.

I find this decree incredibly inconvenient.

I mean, yes. I am on the phone too much. I am supposed to be paying more attention to my children. But seriously. What am I supposed to do without staring at a screen all day?

[clickToTweet tweet=”Is it just me? What do you do all day if you’re a #stayathomeparent and you’re not on the phone? Don’t tell me you’re actually paying attention to your family. I will call that out for the filthy lie that it is. #parenting #momlife” quote=”Is it just me? Am I overthinking it? What do you do all day if you’re a stay at home parent and you’re not on the phone? Don’t tell me you’re actually paying attention to your family. I will call that out for the filthy lie that it is.” theme=”style1″]

I am very skeptical that I will enjoy the monotony of my daily life if I’m not always on the phone.

How else can I connect with adults and friends? I don’t have a water cooler. I don’t see grown ups or talk to anyone over the age of 8 during my day. (I suppose you could count my husband, but that would be assuming we actually speak to each other more than in passing.)

Ever since my optometrist said this to me on Saturday, I have perversely spent even MORE time on my phone. It’s like when I used to have acid reflux and my doctor gave me a list of foods I should avoid and what did I do immediately after the bad news?

That’s right. I ATE ALMOST EVERYTHING ON THAT LIST.

It’s like when your doctor tells you to lose weight or eat healthy. I think the problem is that I don’t know what to replace the phone with. Nature abhors a vacuum and if I put away my phone and ignore it, that means I need to put something in its place. Otherwise, I will reach for my phone again and get twitchier as the minutes and seconds slowly tick by.

I suppose I could pay more attention to my children.

Gosh, that sounds horrible.

No, I’m serious. That sounds terrible.

I would replace the phone time with reading a book – like an actual physical one – or watching TV but I think that ruins the entire point.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT DOESN’T REQUIRE MY EYES AND FOCUSING WITH MY EYES?

I find it ironic that one of my main problems with my eyes is that they do not know how to unfocus. (Perhaps my eyes could talk to my brain and teach it somethings.) My eyes don’t know how to relax and my optometrist said some stuff that made sense and I half heard, but I really don’t know exactly what he said.

He asked me if I would be willing to do visual exercises.

I laughed in his face.

He was incredulous. “You’re really that busy? You can’t take longer than 5 minutes to do visual exercises?”

“It’s not that I’m that busy. It’s just that you asked me if I would do the exercises. And if they take longer than 5 minutes (and quite frankly, even if they didn’t), I won’t do them.”

“…”

He didn’t give me any exercises. Instead, he told me to stop staring at the screen all day. (And it really is all day. ALL DAY.)

Perhaps I should look into these eye exercises after all. That seems more plausible than me not being on the phone the entire day.

Seriously, though. If I wasn’t on the phone or reading or watching TV, what exactly does he think I would be doing? I am really baffled.

[clickToTweet tweet=”#Nature abhors a vacuum and if I put away my phone and ignore it, that means I need to put something in its place. Otherwise, I will reach for my phone again and get twitchier as the minutes and seconds slowly tick by. #lessscreentime” quote=”Nature abhors a vacuum and if I put away my phone and ignore it, that means I need to put something in its place. Otherwise, I will reach for my phone again and get twitchier as the minutes and seconds slowly tick by.” theme=”style1″]

My children don’t expect me to focus on them or even pay huge attention to them. Plus, I don’t really want to.

I suppose I could build my bookshelf. And then attach it to the wall. And clear out my kitchen cabinets. Tidy my life.

But. But. But.

I’m not clear how I will be able to do that with my 18 month old running around, ruining my shit.

Is it just me? Am I overthinking it? What do you do all day if you’re a stay at home parent and you’re not on the phone? Don’t tell me you’re actually paying attention to your family. I will call that out for the filthy lie that it is.

Um, I mean, let me know in the comments.