Uncategorized

Conference Jitters

I’m heading to my first Mom 2.0 blogging conference in exactly seven days. It will be the first time I have been away for longer than a day from my 18 month old and though I won’t worry when I’m at the actual conference, I will kinda stress about it up until I get in the car and drive to LA with my friend, Lizz Porter.

It’s strange, but I rarely feel guilt about leaving my children at home. I have zero problems with not thinking about them or taking them to all their appointments and activities. I am really good about out of sight, out of mind and focusing on the task at hand.

This is probably because I spend 95% of their waking moments with them and since we homeschool – that is a LOT of time.

I mean, I’m not saying I won’t miss them at ALL. Just that I won’t be a crying mess about it. I look forward to being surrounded by adults (99% of whom will be women), seeing my bloggy boos (as my friend, Alisha Lampley, calls them), and in general, using a different part of my brain than I am normally accustomed to using.

It may come as a surprise to many of you since I am a pretty extroverty person, but I have a hard time at conferences. Just because I can make small talk and chat up strangers doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I find prolonged small talk exhausting – especially with people I do not really know.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Even though I seem as if I’m confident and have that Mediocre White Dude Bro Swagger, I actually feel out of place and incredibly gauche. #mediocrewhiteman #awkwardextrovert” quote=”Even though I seem as if I’m confident and have that Mediocre White Dude Bro Swagger, I actually feel out of place and incredibly gauche.” theme=”style1″]

You know that feeling when you’re at a bar or a mixer or some social event and all of a sudden, because you don’t have a drink or something, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR HANDS? And it soon becomes an all-encompassing feeling of awkwardness?

That’s how I feel a lot of the times at these things.

I suppose it’s because I have long felt the imposter. My first blogging conference was Type-A Parent in 2014. I had been officially blogging for about a year and I wasn’t actively trying to make money doing so. I felt stupid and like I was wasting everyone’s time because I didn’t have a lot of page views. I didn’t know anyone other than my friend, Lizz, and I just couldn’t imagine what I would do to be like these amazing women.

I only knew how to write. That’s about it.

What a difference 3.5 years make.

Sometime in between, I actually tried to make friends (albeit online) with the women I met. And about a year ago, I decided to be serious about making money from my blog and the rest, as they say, is history.

But you know what? I still feel awkward. I still feel somewhat small and intimidated. I still feel as if I’m there on the sufferance of kind people. Like, I’m somehow imposing myself on these talented and successful bloggers.

I still feel as if I’m a little kid, hanging out on the edges of the grown ups’ table.

[clickToTweet tweet=”You know that feeling when you’re at a bar or a #mixer or some social event and YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR HANDS? That’s how I feel a lot of the times at these conferences. #awkwardextrovert #mom2summit” quote=”You know that feeling when you’re at a bar or a mixer or some social event and all of a sudden, because you don’t have a drink or something, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR HANDS? And it soon becomes an all-encompassing feeling of awkwardness? That’s how I feel a lot of the times at these things.”]

This isn’t a cue for all my friends to tell me how awesome I am. Well, I suppose I’m not going to object if you do. (Ahem. LOVE ME FOR ALWAYS!!!)

Moreso to share how even though I seem as if I’m confident and have that Mediocre White Dude Bro Swagger, I actually feel out of place and incredibly gauche. I’m just going to follow the advice I give to my daughter and imagine everyone in their underwear. So if you see me eyeing you oddly at Mom 2.0, now you know why.

Author

Virginia Duan is the entertainment editor for "Mochi Magazine," a freelance writer, and an Asian American author who writes stories full of rage and grief with biting humor and glimpses of grace. She spends most of her days plotting her next book or article, shuttling her children about, participating in more group chats than humanly possible, and daydreaming about BTS a totally normal amount.

Comments are closed.