I’m heading to my first Mom 2.0 blogging conference in exactly seven days. It will be the first time I have been away for longer than a day from my 18 month old and though I won’t worry when I’m at the actual conference, I will kinda stress about it up until I get in the car and drive to LA with my friend, Lizz Porter.
It’s strange, but I rarely feel guilt about leaving my children at home. I have zero problems with not thinking about them or taking them to all their appointments and activities. I am really good about out of sight, out of mind and focusing on the task at hand.
This is probably because I spend 95% of their waking moments with them and since we homeschool – that is a LOT of time.
I mean, I’m not saying I won’t miss them at ALL. Just that I won’t be a crying mess about it. I look forward to being surrounded by adults (99% of whom will be women), seeing my bloggy boos (as my friend, Alisha Lampley, calls them), and in general, using a different part of my brain than I am normally accustomed to using.
It may come as a surprise to many of you since I am a pretty extroverty person, but I have a hard time at conferences. Just because I can make small talk and chat up strangers doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I find prolonged small talk exhausting – especially with people I do not really know.
[clickToTweet tweet=”Even though I seem as if I’m confident and have that Mediocre White Dude Bro Swagger, I actually feel out of place and incredibly gauche. #mediocrewhiteman #awkwardextrovert” quote=”Even though I seem as if I’m confident and have that Mediocre White Dude Bro Swagger, I actually feel out of place and incredibly gauche.” theme=”style1″]
You know that feeling when you’re at a bar or a mixer or some social event and all of a sudden, because you don’t have a drink or something, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR HANDS? And it soon becomes an all-encompassing feeling of awkwardness?
That’s how I feel a lot of the times at these things.
I suppose it’s because I have long felt the imposter. My first blogging conference was Type-A Parent in 2014. I had been officially blogging for about a year and I wasn’t actively trying to make money doing so. I felt stupid and like I was wasting everyone’s time because I didn’t have a lot of page views. I didn’t know anyone other than my friend, Lizz, and I just couldn’t imagine what I would do to be like these amazing women.
I only knew how to write. That’s about it.
What a difference 3.5 years make.
Sometime in between, I actually tried to make friends (albeit online) with the women I met. And about a year ago, I decided to be serious about making money from my blog and the rest, as they say, is history.
But you know what? I still feel awkward. I still feel somewhat small and intimidated. I still feel as if I’m there on the sufferance of kind people. Like, I’m somehow imposing myself on these talented and successful bloggers.
I still feel as if I’m a little kid, hanging out on the edges of the grown ups’ table.
[clickToTweet tweet=”You know that feeling when you’re at a bar or a #mixer or some social event and YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR HANDS? That’s how I feel a lot of the times at these conferences. #awkwardextrovert #mom2summit” quote=”You know that feeling when you’re at a bar or a mixer or some social event and all of a sudden, because you don’t have a drink or something, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR HANDS? And it soon becomes an all-encompassing feeling of awkwardness? That’s how I feel a lot of the times at these things.”]
This isn’t a cue for all my friends to tell me how awesome I am. Well, I suppose I’m not going to object if you do. (Ahem. LOVE ME FOR ALWAYS!!!)
Moreso to share how even though I seem as if I’m confident and have that Mediocre White Dude Bro Swagger, I actually feel out of place and incredibly gauche. I’m just going to follow the advice I give to my daughter and imagine everyone in their underwear. So if you see me eyeing you oddly at Mom 2.0, now you know why.
