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Friends, I have not been in a good place.

I have been tempted to open the front door, walk out of it, and then just keep walking.

Except that I actually was abandoned by my father so I thought I would be better than this.

So many of my awesome women friends seem to be adrift, seething, angry, sad, and lonely. It's especially infuriating because we have such good, comfortable lives full of people we love and want.Click to Tweet

I don’t even feel love for my children. I mean, I LOVE MY CHILDREN, but I don’t feel it. It’s as if all my deep, terrifying love for my kids is buried under 8.3 billion pounds of resentment, suffocating under the bewilderment that this is now my life.

How is this my life?

I mean, I know how this is my life. But why did I make such poor life choices to bring me to this place?

And the irony is, all these ill-advised life decisions are the things that I purposely chose to bring my life joy and fulfillment: having four children, homeschooling, and emphasizing Chinese.

I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME EXCEPT MYSELF.

I have been tempted to open the front door, walk out of it, and then just keep walking.Click to Tweet

I know I’m not alone.

Somehow, that’s even more depressing.

So many of my awesome women friends seem to be adrift, seething, angry, sad, and lonely. It’s especially infuriating because we have such good, comfortable lives full of people we love and want.

And yet.

AND YET.

It is not enough.

It is not enough.

It is not enough.

I have everything that I thought I would want and it is not enough.

It is never enough.