Friends, I don’t know if it’s apparent but careful long time readers probably already know.
I hide.
I hide a lot.
I am an expert at deflection. I use humor to distract from pain and fear. And because I share a lot of raw stories, people think I am brave or vulnerable or open.
It’s not true.
Well, it’s true but not the whole story.
The things you see me doing? Being extra onstage or talking about poop or my abusive childhood or how I’m a horrible person and mediocre parent? That is not hard for me.
But hiding is not my only expertise.
Yet, it is SO hard for me to say these other areas of expertise. SO HARD. (Look at how I didn’t even mention them just now!)
I want to be safe.
I like easy things.
I don’t want to claim that mantle of Expert because then I have to level up, do hard things like pitch national publications and maybe even fail a few times but maybe kick so much ass, too.
I don’t want to say, “I’m an expert on writing. I’m an expert at teaching and learning Chinese. I’m an expert at internet marketing and marketing in general. I’m an expert at social media and its applications. I’m an expert at blogging. I’m an expert on BTS.”
But, I am an expert.
Why do I assume the knowledge that I’ve amassed is common knowledge?
I put in the time – some of the subjects have been for 3+ decades. (And gracious, this makes me sad that some of my areas of expertise are older than every single BTS member.)
I put in the effort.
I did the work.
But what if someone on the internet says I’m not an expert and calls me mean names?
And no matter how I squirm and come up with legit sounding reasons, in the end, so what? Isn’t that just a Thursday afternoon on the web?
I ask that you help me stop hiding.
Let me not choose the “easy” way of self-doubt and false Asian modesty.
Imagine how changed I would be if I rose up and declared without self-deprecation, “I am an expert writer. I write and I write goodly.”
Well, watch out, world. I meant to write it that way because that’s genius. Take it from me; I’m an expert.
