Today was horrible. It’s not even over yet. I can only hope that with the last remaining 4.25 hours, nothing explodes. I might explode. I am so furious, I just may spontaneously combust.
It’s Mother’s Day, too. Irony.
I woke up in a spectacularly shitty mood. I’ve been doing that lately. I keep hoping it’s hormones. Maybe I’m pregnant. (Nope.) Maybe I’m getting my period, finally. (Nope.) Or maybe, I ‘m just choosing to be a complete terror of a human being. (Maybe.)
Whatever the reason, I tried to snap out of it (ok, not really) but I would snap back into my funk almost instantaneously.
All I wanted was time to clean my bathroom. I hate cleaning bathrooms. I hate dirty bathrooms even more.
That’s a really fucking low bar for a happy Mother’s Day, but I don’t really care for holidays, anyhow. Besides, it’s not like I could just sleep all day, read, and eat without any small humans in the way – which is what I would REALLY LIKE RIGHT NOW.
I love my children. (I say through gritted teeth. Note to self: When you have to repeat “I love my children” like a mantra or a reminder or a last shred of sanity, it’s probably time to call it a day.)
I did not love my children well at all today. I still kinda don’t want to.
Hapa Papa left for London until Wednesday and I’m stuck alone with three small children who are conspiring to drive me crazy. He even took all three kids to the park this afternoon so I could have some alone time for a few hours. But it was not enough.
It all started when Cookie Monster and Gamera took forever to eat breakfast. They’re always laggards with eating, but whenever Hapa Papa has them in the morning, it’s even worse. Then, when I get them back, they backslide and suck and I get mad both at them and Hapa Papa for inflicting me with this. They eventually finish as well as eat lunch. They stuff their face full of snacks. It’s my own fault. I know. Then they complain and whine and whine and whine about being hungry for dinner so I make them dinner and what happens? They refuse to eat dinner. So I take it away and don’t even bother. I banish them to their rooms; I am so mad. Even Glow Worm, who normally eats just fine, is in on the hunger strike tonight.
All night, it is one thing after another. Glow Worm won’t go to sleep. Gamera and Cookie Monster burst into his room right when he is about to finally fall asleep again. I lose it and yell at them and tell them I will give them away. I force them to sit in the corner of my room. Glow Worm is screaming his brains out because hey, why can’t he sleep through his mother going ballistic? I try to comfort him, but he isn’t having it. I leave him to figure it out on his own.
And then, when I go back to my room, I turn back my sheets and what do I find all over my bed? Sand.
OMG MY BED IS FULL OF SAND.
I HATE TODAY I HATE TODAY I HATE TODAY.
There, I said it. I hate today. Fuck today. It can go suck on a rock. Mother’s Day be damned. I’ve never cared for Mother’s Day. Haven’t really even had a good one since I became a mother. I mean, they weren’t bad, really, just not anything particularly great. And today? TODAY WAS REALLY BAD.
Sometimes, when a day is going poorly, I want to hit “reset” and start over. Today is going so well, it needs to be deleted. As in, excised from my life. Poof! Monday better be a whole lot better or I’m gonna have some words.
Sigh. I better get over whatever malaise I’m going through because this cannot stand. My children will be rioting and I will be paying for their therapy for years to come. Poor little things. Too bad they’re such little shits sometimes. But what can they do when their mommy is determined to be a bitch and go rampaging?
They are much easier to love when they are asleep. (I think I am, too.)
Tomorrow will be better. I will it to happen even if it kills me.