Oh, my poor, perforated brain.
That gurgling you hear is the remains of my skull dribbling to its ignominious end.
The sad thing is, I’ve totally done this before. Maybe this is just a side effect of using my brain or trying out new things. Like, getting old or hurting myself just breathing.
But the indignity. THE INDIGNITY!
Especially since it’s really my own fault. Also? It’s Kelby Carr’s fault for putting on such an awesome Type A Vegas Bootcamp. While I’m passing the blame around, Affiliate Summit West deserves some, too.
Seriously, I have been unable to sleep at night because my brain is buzzing about with ideas about stuff I want to write about, products I want to create, videos I want to make, and publications I want to pitch. (Oh, did I mention these are my goals for the year? More on this when I sack up and am willing to talk about it in greater detail. Until then, vagueblogging will have to suffice.)
I have become so absentminded that I can no longer drive.
(For my wise-cracking friends who think Asian female driver stereotypes are hilarious, please. Humor is in the unexpected. This is so easy I’ve basically gift-wrapped it for you. Try something more original, mmmkay?)
Anyhow, back to my terrible driving.
I rarely get lost (especially with the advent of GPS) and yet yesterday, I went to four different locations to find a dance store because Google Maps wasn’t working, I kept thinking I knew where the store was (yes, all four times), and most importantly, I wasn’t working.
Like, seriously. I couldn’t believe it while it was happening. I almost gave up and went home except that Gamera had her first ballet lesson today and needed stuff. (My mind is in shambles. I cannot even articulate beyond “stuff.”)
Then tonight, I went out to grab some late night boba and I cannot fathom where the “good driving decision” section of my mind went. I missed my turn and then I had the brilliant idea to flip a U on a busy road where you it is really inadvisable to do so. So I turned but then saw grass and got completely disoriented. Did this major road have a grassy median? And if so, was I going to drive over it in order to turn around?
I decided to not drive over grass and as I backed up, (thankfully, the road was still clear) I realized that I had overshot my arc and it was actually the other side of the road.
For fuck’s sake. Pull it together, lady!
Add that to the fact that I was having trouble peeling apples or remembering where I put my phone or my keys or whatever and for the love of all that is holy, I REALLY NEED TO GET SOME MORE SLEEP.
But I can’t on account of all these ideas and my ridiculous sense of urgency and needing to complete things all at once because I hate open-ended situations and did I mention that I also recently planned our summer trip back to Taiwan and that took a lot out of me, too?
On the plus side, I haven’t really yelled at my kids much these last few weeks. Maybe there’s some good that’s come out of this after all.
Alright friends. Brief post on account of Sleep Deficit Spending and Perforated Brain Syndrome. Also, I have to pee.